When couples commit their all to a relationship, it’s natural to analyze what they have together. Over-analyzing, however, can just make things worse.
Relationships need work. That’s a fact. Anyone who walks into a
romantic relationship armed only with the cloud at their feet and a pair
of rose-tinted glasses will soon find themselves languishing in the
doldrums of a thundercloud and wondering what on earth went wrong.
The problem is that when someone believes they’ve found their soul
mate, they think they’ve found someone with the exact same psychological
and emotional make up. But people and their inner workings are like
fingerprints: no two are ever the same. So it’s good to take time out to
analyze the relationship from time to time, to keep things on an even
keel and make sure that plain sailing continues unabated.
Over-analyzing is somewhat different though. Often born from a sense
of personal insecurity, it can prove stifling and unproductive.
Relationships are like flowers, and need light, space and a little
gentle tending to really thrive. Over-analysis is like putting a daisy
in a bramble patch. Especially when it contains, as very often is the
case, an accusatory or browbeating element to it.
Are you over-analyzing your romance?
To help you, our wonderful LovePanky readers, overcome the curse that
is over-analyzing, the subject is approached from two different angles.
Firstly, the subject areas where over-analysis most commonly occurs and
why you should ensure it doesn’t and, secondly, the signs that show
your incessant quizzing may be pushing your partner away. Read through
them both, be honest with yourself and if you recognize the signs, then
now may be a good time to try and start chilling out and give your
partner a well earned break from it all!
10 subjects couples almost always over-analyze
#1 Feelings. And, let’s face it, it’s women who are
usually guilty of this, although not always, of course. But some people
don’t do the whole feelings thing and attempts to try and crowbar a
display of teary admission out of them is likely to make them feel
really uncomfortable.
#2 The future. Over-analyzing the future is another
common problem, regarding where each of the couple sees themselves in
ten years time. This especially occurs where one has more aspiration
than the other, or more of a leaning towards material things.
#3 Time apart. Over-analyzing somewhere about where
they’ve been when not spending time together can be a dreadful strain on
a relationship. One of those areas of over-analyzing that has a
somewhat accusatory and nagging nature.
#4 Personal habits. Constantly over-analyzing
someone’s personal habits, whether they’re bad or not, has a real
draconian feel about it. More like a parent would do than a partner.
Especially common in early stage relationships where two people are
discovering the real inner workings behind the romantic facade.
#5 Friends & family. Analyzing the kind of
friends someone has, how they spend their time with them, or of a
person’s relationship with family members, can also get a little
repetitive and annoying to have to constantly listen to.
#6 Work. Another area that the amateur analyst can’t
leave alone is work, usually regarding the position that their partner
occupies, whether it is suitable, whether they earn enough money, etc.
#7 Sex. A really, really bad area to over-analyze,
mainly as harping on about someone’s performance in bed, what they do
and don’t do, etc., is likely to create a tension which will swiftly
lead to less of it than more.
#8 Parenthood. Differences in parenting styles are a
classic area of differences of opinion, especially where step-children
are concerned, but differences that should be compromised over and not
subjected to a one-side over-analysis. For the children’s sake if
nothing else.
#9 Finances. What the partner wants to spend on
what, how much they spend or don’t spend, how they save, how they make
it, and so on. An huge source of tension between couples and one that
should be dealt with using kid gloves, not over-analyzing.
#10 Characteristics. Analyzing someone’s
characteristics, whether physically or personality based, is a horrible
thing to do and basically tells the other person that you aren’t happy
with who they are.
Signs your over-analyzing is pushing your partner away
#11 They change conversation. If they try and put up
a conversational block as soon as you start over-analyzing them, then
that’s a certain sign that they’ve got fed up with it all. Knock it on
the head now or things might deteriorate to the point of no going back.
#12 They change the channel. One step up on the
escalation scale from the last sign, if they just ignore you altogether,
then you’ve got a real struggle ahead of you to get anywhere near how
things used to be.
#13 Standing in doorways. Do they always seem to be
standing in doorways, about to move into another room? That could be
because they’re anticipating another bout of over-analyzing and they’re
putting themselves in a position to make their escape.
#14 Overtime. Have they suddenly started working
late at work a lot? Well, this might not have been the case had you
given them less of a hard time once they were home.
#15 Out of sight. An increase in prolonged and
regular absences is also a sign that you’re pushing them away,
preferring their friends’ or even their own company to someone who gives
them the Freud treatment every time they sit down.
#16 Temper tantrums. Have they started snapping and
getting unreasonably and untypically angered? Another sign that the
division is increasing.
#17 Mirroring. Another classic sign of being
over-analyzed is that they start doing it back to you – either directly
reflecting your own questions if they want to be obvious, or subtler
plays on your approach at other times when they are specifically trying
to make a point about your behavior.
#18 Sexual under-drive. Has the bed suddenly become a
place for sleeping only? That’s because they worry that the post-coital
chat could end up turning into yet another bout of analysis/character
assassination.
#19 Subjects of conversation. Quite simply, you no
longer have any. Your over-analyzing has pushed you both so far apart
that you no longer share any time or conversation. In effect, you have
become strangers.
#20 The last laugh. The last laugh was some time
ago, and definitely not the longest. When the humor has disappeared from
a relationship, then all is not well.
There’s no point in committing to a relationship that your
over-analyzing might ruin anyway. Steer clear of the warning signs
above, and focus instead on nurturing your future together.
