Everyone dreams of living happily ever after, but how do you do that? Here are the top questions to ask before you go walking down the aisle.
No one took a class in school called “Marriage 101.” But wouldn’t
that have been great? I mean, how often do you use the knowledge of
Algebra or Physics in your daily life *assuming you aren’t a math
teacher or a physicist?* Yeah, exactly.
But most people get married. And we have no good game plan to make it
work. All we have to go by are how our parents managed their marriage.
And for most people, it’s not really a good role model.
And here’s another thing – most people get so focused on the wedding
day itself, making sure every detail is perfect, that they don’t give
any thought to the actual marriage itself. That’s where the real focus
should be. How do we happily stay together for the next 50+ years? Well,
I’m here to help.
Top questions to ask before walking down the aisle
Your parents probably never had a talk like this with you. Did they
ever say, “Hey, make sure you and your fiancé talk about all the
important things you need to consider before you commit to each other
for the rest of your lives!” Probably not. If so, you’re one of the
lucky ones.
So, here are some important questions to ask before walking down the aisle.
#1 Do you want kids? This SHOULD be an obvious
question, but it’s scary how many couples don’t even talk about it! I
mean, come on, shouldn’t this be one of the first things you talk about?
Perhaps even within the first few months of dating? If you have
differing opinions on this one, well, you might be doomed.
#2 Where do you want to live? A bird and fish may
love each other, but where would they build a home? You’ve heard that
one before. What part of the country *or world* do you want to live?
City or countryside? Suburbs? All these options need to be discussed.
#3 How will we resolve conflicts? No one teaches us
how to work through conflicts effectively either. If one of you avoids
conflict and the other one wants to fight about it, well, that’s going
to be a problem. Talk about how you can come together and compromise on
this.
#4 Who handles the finances? Do both of you want to
do it? Or neither of you *that would be a whole different problem*? Or
do you take turns? Some people naturally want to have control of the
money, while others don’t.
#5 What kind of wedding do we want to have? Do you
want to elope or go to city hall? A beach wedding? Or a full-fledged
300-person church wedding with all the bells and whistles? Weddings are
expensive, so this is important to talk about.
#6 How are we going to handle the holidays? Everyone
has their own family traditions. But now that you’re merging families,
how are you going to handle the holidays? Switch off each year?
Alternate holidays?
#7 How often do you want to have sex? You may or may
not have a feel for how this one is going to go. But as the years roll
by, many people’s sex lives decrease. This can cause problems. So, talk
about it before it becomes an issue.
#8 How much socializing is allowed outside the marriage? Maybe
one of you is a big extrovert, and the other is an introvert. How are
you going to negotiate the socializing so one person doesn’t feel
smothered and the other doesn’t feel neglected?
#9 How many kids do we want? Just like the “do you
want to have kids” question, this is important too. If one of you wants
to have one child, and the other wants 10, well, that’s a big problem,
right? Hopefully you can agree on a compromise.
#10 What will our parenting styles be? Some people
have a hands-off parenting style, while others are quite authoritarian.
This can become a problem because they really conflict with one another.
It can also create resentment between parents. And between the parents
and children as well.
#11 Are we going to have joint banking accounts? Some
people just automatically assume that when you get married that you put
all your money in one big bank account and share it all. But other
people, like myself, don’t like that idea too much. So how do you both
feel about it?
#12 Who stays home with the children, or will they go to daycare? This is one of the big questions to ask before walking down the aisle.
Sure, it might be best to have one of the parents home with the
children, but can you afford it? And will it be mom or dad? Can you even
afford daycare?
#13 What is your love language? If you’re not familiar with the book, The Five Love Languages,
check it out. Learn what your love language is and also what your
fiancé’s is. This will save you a lot of misunderstandings as the years
pass by.
#14 What is your personality type? If you’re not
familiar with the Myers-Briggs personality types, go take a test online.
Knowing your personality type, as well as your partner’s, will help you
understand each other a lot better.
#15 If different religions, what are we going to raise our kids? If
one of you is Jewish and the other is Christian, how are you going to
raise the kids? This is one of the most important questions to ask
before walking down the aisle if you don’t share the same religion.
Getting married is a major life decision, and ideally you
should only do it once. So, just remember to ask each other these
questions before walking down the aisle, and then you’ll live happily ever after.
