With all the talk that living together before marriage is doomed to failure, here are a few things you need to know to make it work in your favor.
Are you madly in love with your partner?
Do you find yourself contemplating about whether both of you should start living together?
If your partner and you have had a conversation about living together, well, that’s good for you.
After all, when there’s love in the air, both of you would want to spend every sleeping and waking moment in each other’s arms.
Is living together before marriage a bad idea?
For a long time now, several studies have shown that the divorce rate
of married couples who have lived together before marriage is
alarmingly high.
But what is the real reason behind it?
Is it because they experienced a teaser of marriage before actually getting married or is it because of something else?
There are many reasons behind why living together leads to failure in
marriage, but all of them can be nipped in the bud if you really focus
on a happy live-in relationship.
How can you making living together before marriage work for you?
The biggest setback of living together is the fact that lovers take
the relationship more lightly. You’re not married, so why take it
seriously, right? It’s just two lovers living together under one roof,
testing the waters of compatibility and cohabitation.
But here’s something you need to think about. If you truly do want to
live with each other for the rest of your lives, why are both of you
pushing the thought of marriage aside? Getting this answer right will
help you determine the success of your relationship.
Living together before getting married is a great way to get to know
each other better, but only if both of you focus on the relationship in
the right manner.
When you’re not married, it’s easy to get a second thought and think
twice about the relationship. You can always walk out of a live-in
relationship because both of you are technically not married to each
other yet. At the same time, most lovers start taking the other partner
for granted while living together, which can end the relationship.
How to make living together before marriage work for you
If both of you want to start living together before marriage, here
are 14 things you need to keep in mind to create a successful marriage
after moving in together.
#1 Why are you moving in? If both of you want to
live together before marriage, be sure about why you want to move in
with each other. Is it for the sex, cheaper living or something more
valid? If you have a goal in life you want to achieve before tying the
knot, speak about it with your partner. But always have a clear valid
reason for putting marriage aside.
#2 Date for a few years. Don’t move in unless both
of you are extremely serious about living together. Even if there’s a
lot of love in the air, enjoy the times when both of you are apart and
miss each other, and take things slowly. Moving in together should be a
step that should be considered seriously and only as a step before
marriage.
#3 Living together is not a test. This is the worst
mistake that many couples make. If your main intention of moving in
together is to test the relationship, you’re bound to find flaws and
differences that’ll tear the relationship apart. Don’t look at living
together as a test, look at it as a preparation for marriage because
both of you are already prepared to commit to each other.
#4 Behave like a married couple. Take each other and
the relationship seriously. Prioritize your life and be willing to
change for the relationship and for each other.
#5 Fix a date or age. One of the best ways to keep a
relationship alive and moving in the right direction is by talking
about the relationship and the direction it is heading. If you’re moving
in together, then set the next milestone so both of you have a clear
direction about the relationship.
Are you waiting to be 30 before getting married? Are both of you
saving up for a grand wedding? Fix a clear goal so both of you
understand the seriousness of living together.
#6 Avoid the infatuation. Don’t ever move in during
the infatuation period. It’s that time of the relationship when both of
you are crazy about each other, but that’s no excuse to start living
together. Always wait for the infatuation to pass and give time for love
to mature into a mellow, but deeper kind of love.
#7 Are you ready for marriage? Living together
should only be a small pit stop before surging ahead into marriage.
Don’t move in together unless you’re already mentally prepared to marry
your sweetheart.
Do you genuinely know why you’re putting marriage off if both of you
are so madly in love with each other? If you’re just afraid of taking a
big step like marriage, you’re definitely not ready to move in with each
other. Don’t ever look at living together as an alternative to
marriage.
#8 Make long term life plans together. If you want
to live together, both of you have to learn to work together as a couple
and as a team. Make big plans together even while living together and
constantly strive towards it, be it saving up for a house or starting a
new venture together. Feel a sense of accomplishment as a couple and
you’ll feel more connected to each other.
#9 Pick up after yourselves. When you meet your
lover on a date, you always try to show off your best side. Don’t change
that behavior after moving in together. Don’t ever take your partner
for granted and always learn to pick up after yourself. In most live-in
relationships, one partner almost always starts to take the other
partner for granted, which can lead to a failed relationship.
#10 Help each other unconditionally. When you’re
living with your partner, try to focus on their needs just as much as
your own. You don’t have to wait until both of you are married to do
that. Treat each other with love and respect, and help each other
achieve little milestones and goals all the time.
#11 Give each other space. Learn to grow as
individuals. Don’t lose your own identity just because you’re living
together. One of the biggest problems in a marriage or even living
together is the lack of individuality. You’re both two different people.
Stop trying to be one person, instead be one perfect couple.
#12 Communicate and argue constructively. Arguments
are never a bad thing. But unfinished arguments definitely are. Don’t
take your partner or the relationship lightly just because you aren’t
married yet. Give your relationship the same level of respect and
concern you’d give if you were married already.
#13 If it’s not working out, walk out. Be the best
partner you can be for your lover. But don’t continue living together if
you’re not happy with each other. And don’t feel guilty and coerce
yourself into getting married because you’ve already lived together for
so long.
#14 Keep it exciting. The first few months of living
together may feel exciting, but after a while, having someone around
you constantly can start to feel rather claustrophobic, especially when
both of you don’t have anything interesting to share or talk about.
Always look for ways to keep the relationship exciting and allow your
romance to blossom into something that feels better with each passing
day.
If you really want this relationship to work out, try to find ways to
banish any boredom from the relationship. More often than not, what may
start off as boredom while living together can lead to doubts and
second thoughts about the relationship and its move into a happy
marriage.
It’s easy to make living together before marriage work for
you. All you need to do is give the relationship the same dedication and
passion that you would to a real marriage.
