Dating can either be a fun process or a grueling process….or it can even be a combination of both. If you have been out there in the dating world you understand all too well what I am talking about. However, practicing what I call “Conscious Dating” can make the journey fun and at the same time an introspective and empowering process.
I have done both unconscious dating and conscious dating and my experiences with both were quite different. During my unconscious dating periods I would come home feeling hopeless and disappointed. On the other hand, during the conscious dating phase I would come home feeling much more positive and empowered.
Unconscious dating are those times in which you know that the person you are dating is not a fit for you but you continue to see them anyway. You know in your heart that it is just not right but somehow there you are, on another date with them. It is also that dating phase where you go out with anyone at anytime, not because you are desperate, but probably because you don’t know any other way to do it. You end up wasting a lot of time and energy running around just saying “yes”, when you really want to say “no”. Then when you come home from one of these dates you feel like your evening would have been better spent curled up with a great book.
When you begin to date with more consciousness, every date may not be a fit for you, but you will be closer to what you are looking for and walk away feeling that it was better to be out and enjoying this person’s company even though they were not a romantic match.
If you are dating with the intention of finding a long term relationship, then conscious dating is for you. It will allow you to move past much of the dates that do not work for you much faster. Conscious Dating, is my own process where you get very clear on the qualities that you are seeking in a partner. At this point, it does not have to be the detailed list of your heart’s desire that I spoke about in a previous article, but a general list of qualities that resonate for you. Some of the qualities will be unknown until you do go on a date, but if possible, have a phone conversation before deciding to meet so you can at least explore if this is someone that you want to spend a little time with. When someone asks you out, tune into your intuition, tap into your gut feeling and the answer will come to you if spending time with this person would be a good use of your time. Trust your first instincts!
I cannot tell you how many times I forced myself to see a man more than once and knew in my gut that it was not right from the start and was disappointed each time. I know that you have to try things on to see if it fits, but there are those moments when our instincts tell you to walk away. It does not mean that the other person is not a nice person, it’s just that they are not YOUR nice person. Being discerning as to who you spend time with is okay. You have permission to say “no”.
As you date with more awareness of who you are and what you are seeking in a relationship, the kind of partner you are looking for will show up more and more. You might have a few misses, some that look and feel like the right picture, but not quite right…yet. However, the picture is getting clearer, you are getting clearer and the Universe is getting the message that you are holding out for what is “right” for you and sending better candidates your way.
Make certain that when you say “yes” to a date, that you are saying this for the right reasons. You genuinely want to get to know what this person is all about. Make certain that it is the kind of quality individual that you want to spend time with.