Welcome to part 7 of Breaking the Dysfunctional Dating Cycle & Find Love. If you are just joining us for this series, I would highly recommend that you read all the articles. Click here to see the previous articles. For me, getting to a point where I was ready for a life partner was not just a one-step process. There were many things that I did in order to understand and get through old habits and patterns. If you are serious about wanting to get into a relationship, then reading the previous posts will be extremely beneficial.
I run spiritual events for a living, and although I LOVE my work and am very blessed to have found my niche in the world, my personal life was lacking. Most of the attendees for our signature event, Celebrate Your Life, are women and after 15 years I realized that this was not how I was going to meet a man. I am constantly telling all my single male friends that our conferences are a perfect way to meet a conscious, thoughtful, spiritual woman….if that is what they are looking for.
As I shared in my last post, I turned to an internet dating site and was successful. This is by no means a perfect solution for finding a partner, but it was perfect for me. I did it with caution and an open mind. I went on those 20 minute coffee dates open to possibilities and very often disappointed. I realized after awhile that attitude was everything.
I knew in the bottom of my heart that there was someone out there for me. Of course the negative thinking would creep in, and I would just choose to change my mind and not allow myself to go down the path of depression and destruction. It can be extremely disheartening for those of us who have dated and dated and not found someone; however, keeping a good attitude is key.
There is a wonderful book called, Evolve Your Brain by Dr. Joe Dispenza, that spells out very clearly what happens physiologically when we allow ourselves to do that downward spiral into negative thinking. Dr. Joe’s work was instrumental in my process to change old habits. His work makes so much sense! It’s all about changing your thinking. It sounds simple and yet can be complex. His book can offer you a much better explanation of how and why this works. I highly recommend Dr. Joe’s book!
After attending his workshops and talking with him, I learned an extremely valuable exercise. I began writing down all the thoughts, feelings and actions that do not serve me. Then I wrote all the thoughts, feelings and actions that DO serve me. The feelings and actions came from the thoughts that either did or did not serve me. For instance, using dating as an example, if I had the negative thought that I was never going to find someone, perhaps my feeling would be sadness, depression. Then based on my feelings, I would perhaps stay home, not pursue any social contacts or sit and do nothing. On the other hand, if I had the thought that there was definitely someone out there for me, then I might feel happy, excited, hopeful, and based on this feeling, my action might be going out, fixing myself up and taking myself to dinner, being brave and putting myself out there more.
In order to do this exercise, you will need to use your imagination. After you write down all the aforementioned items, sit quietly and imagine yourself in the most difficult position based on the thoughts, feelings and actions that do not serve you, and see yourself very clearly going through that difficult situation with ease and confidence. Be the strong, beautiful beam of light that you know yourself to be! Then, as you go through your day, when you have a thought that does not serve you, immediately change that to one of the thoughts that DO serve you.
I did this exercise every morning and the difference was palpable. I was completely amazed at the changes I was making naturally. It was not forced and came from the positive part of my being and not the negative. In other words, I did not have to think about changing my behavior it happened organically due to the exercises I had consistently been doing.
Once again, Dr. Joe’s work was instrumental for me. It helped to take all those unconscious negative behaviors and patterns and shifted them into something more productive and useful for my life. I love the results. I feel stronger and more confident.
Take time to read Dr. Joe’s book and begin to do the exercise this week! Stay tuned for part 8 of Breaking the Dysfunctional Dating Cycle.