Texting has become a popular way to communicate among singles. People like it because it’s a quick means of communicating details, and men usually prefer texting because it’s easy to stay in touch without much effort. Texting is also a fun way to banter without picking up the phone. That’s the upside.
The downside is when women mistake a man’s frequent texting for real interest in them. So many of my dating coaching clients end up in these lengthy, enjoyable texting “relationships,” thinking they are building a real connection with a man. Sadly, that is usually not the case.
The Four Types Of Texters To Beware
1. The Womanizing Texter. He’s not ready to be exclusive, but seeks female attention. For this guy, texting is the perfect way to keep you—a woman—at arm’s length. In this case, texting is his low commitment way to stay in touch. In fact, a man can actually be texting several women on a regular basis. It helps him feel more desirable and like a hot commodity. Texting provides a great ego boost as the arrival tone alerts everyone in hearing distance of his popularity.
2. The Cheating Texter. He seems to be romantically interested in you … even though he’s in a relationship. Many experts refer to such relationships as emotional cheating: when a man who has a wife or live-in girlfriend creates an emotionally close bond with another woman via texting. This way, he isn’t physically cheating, just flirting with other women. Obviously, you wouldn’t want your man engaging other women this way.
3. The Needy Texter. This guy might text you all day. He wants your attention and needs your help. He’ll either appeal to your nurturing side or just text little things all day to stay in touch. At first it might be fun, but it can wear you down and become pretty darn annoying, especially when you’d prefer a face-to-face date.
4. The Controlling Texter. He shows a lot of interest, wanting to know what you are up to and where you are going. Initially, you might feel flattered, but his demanding texts can get old, annoying and even worrisome. The controlling guy might have time to date you, but he uses texting to keep a tight rein on you.
The Problem With Texting
For the man who texts frequently, but makes no time to see you, you should take this as a sign that something is not right. Some men satisfy their need for emotional support via text without having to actually date you.
Since most women are kind and naturally want to help, you are happy to lend an ear and feel communicating this way means something. You may feel flattered by how much he stays in touch or think it demonstrates his interest in you. Unfortunately, it usually means nothing. In effect, you are giving away your kindness, empathy and heart for little in exchange. And you feel frustrated, wondering, “Why doesn’t he ask me out?”
Why You Should Stop Texting Him Back
Your time is valuable and your support is a privilege! Don’t give your support away to a man who doesn’t make time to see you, regardless of his reasons. Avoid getting wrapped up in these uncommitted relationships. To better understand men, know when a man seeks out and takes your emotional support, it doesn’t mean he wants a relationship with you or that he has feelings for you.
If you want to get the message across that you don’t have time for all this texting, there’s no need to be direct. Simply stop answering the texts. You can answer every third text or take a few hours before you respond. He’ll catch on quickly if you don’t play the game with him.
I’m not suggesting that you never text again. That’s silly. However, my dating advice is to be aware of this type of texting and not let yourself have feelings for a man who texts you frequently for weeks without having time to see you. A few texts here and there are fun and perfectly acceptable. But texting can never take the place of a date where a full relationship can develop.