As a sex and intimacy coach that specializes in the issues of women, a recurrent theme around sexuality is that so many women feel used up, numb, and experience a lack of desire around their own sexuality. They long for a time where they felt fresh, pure and alive erotically. One woman said to me at a recent “Back to The Body” retreat for women. “I wish I could feel like a virgin again. When everything sexual was full of mystery and excitement.”
Well, what about that? What is a virgin anyway? Is it a person that has never experienced sexual intercourse? Is it a state that can be lost simply because penis enter vagina? Does that mean that some lesbians who never experience sexual intercourse with a man remain sexual virgins? Or is it possible to re-define what we mean by virginity and for all of us to be able to reclaim our own sexual virginity?
Eternal virgins feel like they have been born again sexually, or have reclaimed their own pure sexual essence. It is as if they have returned to a natural state where they are free from contamination, societal or religious shame, the softening and letting go of abuse or negative thoughts about their bodies and sexuality. I have watched many women regain a feeling of spontaneity around their sexual desires where they only welcome in what they need in order to feel in a state of completeness.
We can learn to touch and reclaim this pure essence of our own sexual energy. It is always pure, spontaneous, wild, free, and available to help us create whatever we want in this life. Saida Desilets, Ph.D., a sex educator says, “As we reclaim our virginity, we return to our innate sense of self. Through redefining ourselves according to our own truth and not according to what others lead us to believe, we deepen our trust in really knowing what that is for us”.
Yes, it is possible to be born again sexually – and to keep being reborn and kept in a pure state of sexual virginity where every touch and moment is free from contamination. I love this definition of virginity. It’s not about penis in vagina, it’s about the pureness of feeling and the opening afresh every time to touch. It’s this sense of aliveness and anticipation to each and every sexual encounter, and a shame free curiosity to our own bodies that can keep us as eternal virgins. And, it is a practice that we need to spend time exploring every day.
Tips for Reclaiming Your Virginity:
1. Eternal virgins practice conscious sexual activity. They listen to their own inner guidance when making choices around sexual activity.
2. Eternal virgins define themselves according to their own sexual truths and not according to what others want us to believe about our bodies and our sexuality.
3. Eternal virgins work at letting go of outside “contaminating” thoughts such as body hatred and sexual shame.
2. Eternal virgins understand that only we can touch our pure natural essence. Our bodies always only belong to ourselves.
Yes, it is possible to be an eternal virgin. I watched a 75-year-old woman become one on my last retreat. It can be reclaimed, and kept forever.