There’s something weird about getting a three-page text from someone you’re just getting to know.
Falling in love on the Internet is like winning at a casino in Vegas. The odds are against it, people keep trying, and everybody wants it to happen to them. I’ve figured out a way to increase the odds and I want to share it with you.
I can’t tell you how many men I’ve rejected sight unseen because their e-mails or messages were so badly put together it made me wonder if they even had a high school education. Part of it seems to be just laziness, but I also have this nagging suspicion that guys who write crappy messages are trying to look like they don’t care – like they’re too busy or distracted to really care about what they write. I don’t know about other women, but this turns me off. Especially when the actual sentiment of the message is unclear. Does “I fre l8er” mean “I’m free later, do you want to do something?” Why should I have to figure that out?
And it’s not just men - women are equally guilty. My friend Jen asked me to consult on an e-mail she was planning to send to a potential date on a major matchmaking site and I was appalled. She was about to tell him that she had nothing to do the entire weekend and then added that she was ‘flexible.’ I said, “Jen! You’ve already told him you have no life. What is ‘flexible’ referring to? Your legs?” I re-wrote it for her and she went on the date. Okay, full disclosure – they didn’t fall in love. But the point is to get to the point that you’re at least rejecting each other in person, right? Don’t let bad communication via text or e-mail ruin it before it’s even started.
Put In Some Effort
Re-read your message before you send it. Did you say ‘tub’ when you meant ‘club’? You could be inadvertently sending mixed messages, as well as just coming off dumb. If this is someone you actually want to get to know, why not let them know that you care enough about them to craft a ten word message without typos that gets to the point clearly?
Create Mystery
Don’t text a guy telling him all your plans for the weekend in detail in hopes that he will pick the right day and time to fit into your schedule. Just say you’re busy except Saturday night, if that works for him. You can be polite and clear without giving away too much personal information about yourself. Let him imagine the many awesome plans you might have, and be excited that you’re interested in him. This is the fun part – don’t ruin it by sounding like a micro-managing cruise director.
Be Patient
Who cares if he doesn’t get back to you right away? Remind yourself that you have a lot going on in your world, and your entire romantic life does not depend on this one guy texting you back within a five-minute window. This is different from pretending to be aloof and literally waiting an allotted amount of time before you respond. The key is not to pretend you have a life, but to actually have one.
Body Language
Use your words to show your emotions. If you’re excited about the date, or second or third date, let him know! I’m so sick of this idea that we have to hide our true feelings and be ‘cool’ to keep a man interested. The truth is, if he’s turned off by you being turned on, there’s no future to worry about anyway. You might as well just be who you are.
Don’t Be A Windbag
Keep it brief. There’s something weird about getting a three-page text from someone you’re just getting to know. Save the life story for your actual dates.
Technology has set up camp in the world of romance, and it’s not going away anytime soon. So even if you do get through all the messaging and arrive at the point of meeting your on-line honey in person, you still have to communicate with that person via e-mail/text/Facebook constantly, and this is a learned skill. Not everyone knows how to convey their state of mind with words – and why should they?
It’s been almost an entire century since letter writing was the basic means of communication. Back then urgent news arrived by telegram, with limited characters – the tweets of bygone days. Now, we’re faced with a constant barrage of ‘telegrams’ in the form of electronic communication through our phones, computers and all types of devices in between.
So take the time to use the technology to your advantage!
I’d love to hear from you on this subject. What’s the worst text you’ve ever received? Are you guilty of playing it cool with men via text? Would you rather text with someone all evening or pick up the phone? Let us know!
