Are you still dreaming of spending the holidays together? Vacations? Getting married? Having a family? Do you feel those red flags hitting you in the face? Realize you are not moving towards a future – you are stuck in the past.
Moving on after a relationship can be tricky.
Maybe you were together for six months, two years, or ended a fifteen year marriage. Maybe your relationship had more downs than ups. Maybe it was a healthy relationship, but the two of you drifted apart. No matter the circumstance, once it’s over, everyone has to move on in their own way.
Some people feel liberated, embrace a new beginning, and experience a smooth transition. For everyone else in this world, processing a break-up takes time and emotional effort.
After time, lots of chocolate, and a Julia Roberts marathon – how do you know if you’re over your ex?
Here are six signs you are not over your ex:
This includes cyber and physical stalking. Do you drive past his/her house to see if they’re home? Do you drive past some of their favorite hangouts to figure out where they are?
Did someone leave a flirtatious message on their Facebook wall – and you started reading through their comments and examining their pictures? Do you cyberstalk their friends’, siblings’, and parents’ Facebook and Twitter feeds for any mention of your ex?
#2 Everything Reminds You Of Your Ex
The jokes from Parks and Rec are no longer funny without your ex. Songs that remind you of him/her make you cry. (Or – do all love songs remind you of your ex?) You used to share chocolate malts together – and now you can never drink a chocolate malt without thinking of your ex. You are filled with the urge to share every current event in your life with your ex, whether it’s funny or tragic.
#3 Going To Your Old Hangouts And Overcompensating
You dress up and put on the goods just in case you run into your ex. You go to the bars, restaurants, cafes, music stores, grocery stores, etc. you used to frequent and hope your ex will show up. Then, when you do see your ex, you brag about how fabulous your life is. You tell them how awesome things are to let them know you’re better off, and more importantly, let them know what they’re missing.
#4 Hanging On To Relationship Mementos
My ex bought me an iPod and a Northface jacket – there’s no way I’m getting rid of those. Relationship mementos include old concert tickets you went to together, that strip of pictures taken at the photo booth, and the book of matches from the restaurant where you had your first date. The gifts you acquired during your relationship are fine, as long as you don’t associate them with haunting memories of your ex. It’s the random things you’re keeping just because they remind you of your ex that are restraining you from moving on.
#5 You Stack Everyone Against Your Ex
You compare everyone to your ex. Even if you think you’re ready to start dating again, you make a mental list of how they are like or not like your ex. You will know you’re over your ex when you measure the person you’re dating with their own characteristics.
#6 Still Fantasizing About A Future Together
Are you still dreaming of spending the holidays together? Vacations? Getting married? Having a family? Do you feel those red flags hitting you in the face? Realize you are not moving towards a future – you are stuck in the past. Not only are you keeping yourself from a fulfilling future, but you’re keeping others from having a chance with you.
Breakups typically happen for a good reason. Either you weren’t right for each other, or the relationship was no longer healthy and fulfilling. Moving on after a breakup, and getting over your ex, frees you to explore a new future and new relationship opportunities.