Sunday, February 10, 2013

Turn Conflict Into Compassion !!!

Turn Conflict Into Compassion - man and woman fighting
It can be very difficult to “hold in” your feelings when they happen, but being able to control your emotions is a sign of emotional maturity that is crucial for relationship success.

conflict kuh n-flikt; verb to come into collision or disagreement; be contradictory, at variance, or in opposition; clash

Let’s face it, every relationship has conflict, and if it doesn’t, that would be a cause for alarm. Conflict has the power to tear apart even the most ‘in love’ couples, but it also has the power to bring people closer together. With no conflict, a relationship can get stagnant and even boring.

Each member of a couple brings their own feelings, thoughts and opinions into the relationship. The way those feelings, thoughts and opinions are received by the other will determine the impact conflict will have on the relationship. If you don’t know how or don’t like dealing with conflict, don’t be too hard on yourself because most of us have learned that it’s “bad” and generally feel uncomfortable around it.

Here are some tips to follow that can help you and your mate to become closer in the face of conflict:

Don’t “Blow Up” And Spew Your Conflict Out In Public
Schedule some time each week to discuss the things on your mind that you would like to  address with your partner. If you want the conflict to bring you closer, it is very important that you and you partner are alone or with a professional mediator. It is irresponsible to have a third party present to bear witness to your discussion or argument because it not only makes that person feel uncomfortable, it also leaves the door open for that person to throw in their two cents, which is completely inappropriate and could be detrimental to the entire process.

Hold Off On Discussing Any Issues While You Are Entrenched In The Emotions Surrounding Them
Emotions are very powerful and they can sometimes drive us to do and say things that we later regret. Take some time to gather your thoughts and assess your feelings before you express them. It can be very difficult to “hold in” your feelings when they happen, but being able to control your emotions is a sign of emotional maturity that is crucial for relationship success.

Learn To Communicate In A Loving Way That Your Partner Will Understand And Be Able To Receive Openly
To do this, you should use an active listening approach. That means that when your conflict talk time is scheduled and you have thought through your feelings in a calm voice, only then will you tell your partner your thoughts. When you are done, ask your partner to repeat what you said in their own words so that you know they understand. Once you know they understand, let them know how you would like to handle the situation. Never present a problem without suggesting a solution.

Praise One Another For Being Open And Honest
Acknowledging that your partner has been open and honest shows gratitude and respect, two important ingredients for relationship success. Although you may not master these techniques right away, being grateful for trying will fast track both of you to having all that you want and need from each other.

Relationships are difficult enough as it is without complicating things through bad communication. Every conflict has within it the opportunity for increased compassion if you can follow the suggestions above. If you and your honey can work through conflicts, then you have a chance to have an amazing and incredibly intimate relationship that others will learn from, appreciate and respect.

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