You need to move your feelings from dormant to alive again—and fast. Feel free to process these feelings in front of those nearest and dearest to you. You’ll probably discover that they weren’t as enthralled with him as you were.
It’s been a while now since he told you in the most hurtful way possible that he’s “just not that into you.”
Okay, got it. But isn’t it time the pity party were over?
The break-up of a relationship is like a death. So yes, you deserve to, and in fact you should, grieve its passing. This means moving through the five stages noted by the renowned psychologist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross.
Here’s how to apply these principles to the end of your relationship:
Shock
It’s a blow, to both your heart and your ego, to discover that your Mr. Right feels oh so wrong about you. In fact, he’s out the door.
To move out of this phase: Write down his exact words. Now, write down how you feel about them. Be sure to include the acknowledgement that what he why he feels the relationship no longer works is totally valid—for him, even if you don’t see his side of it (not yet, anyway), which brings you to…
Denial
Guess what? Nothing you can say or do can change his mind. But this won’t keep you from trying, ad nauseum, with him, and those who love and nurture you while you go through this grieving process.
To move out of this phase: Don’t pretend it didn’t happen. In fact, allow yourself to grieve: to curl up into a ball, and cry. The sooner you do, the better, because then you can process your hurt, with…
Obsession
Everything you do is colored with the memories of once doing exactly the same thing with him at your side. You wake up, thinking you’ll reach out and touch him, only to remember he is no longer there for you.
To move out of this phase: Clean house. That means tossing his stuff, even pictures of him. Out of sight, out of mind. Now repaint the place. Move, if you feel like it. Work on yourself. When others see the improvement, they’ll be filling up you time, and soon he won’t even be a distant memory.
Anger
It’s finally hit you: He’s not coming back. To make matters worse, you never truly expressed your own issues with him. Yes, your ego got bruised. The fact he dumped you has you feeling ashamed. Well, don’t. Instead, rack it up to life experience.
To move out of this phase: Go ahead and cry. Scream, if you feel like it. You need to move your feelings from dormant to alive again—and fast. Feel free to process these feelings in front of those nearest and dearest to you. You’ll probably discover that they weren’t as enthralled with him as you were.
Acceptance
You’ve come to realize that you cannot love someone who can’t love you back. But you do want to love again—but he must be someone who is worthy of you.
To move out of this phase: Get out of the house. Hang with friends. Date again. In fact, date often, and date many! Don’t expect to fall in love or to forget about him. Instead, making new friends should be your goal.
