Friday, February 8, 2013

Overcoming Infidelity Part 2: Coping With Pain !!!

Overcoming Infidelity - sad crying woman - Coping With Pain
Realize that the Karma truck has already dumped a fresh load of crap for you to deal with and that you do not want to be the one with the shovel piling more and more on.

Whether you are planning on remaining with your partner or diving into the reality of leaving the relationship, coping with your pain is an absolute necessity in order to give yourself a fresh start. Of course, there are productive and unproductive ways to deal with your pain. To get clear, we can discuss the unproductive methods of coping with this devastation. These are numbing mechanisms that will surely do more harm than good. Although these actions may relieve some of the pain, they are only masking the situation.

Unproductive Methods Of Coping With Pain
๏ Drinking Alcohol
๏ Binging on food
๏ Chain smoking
๏ Taking drugs
๏ Hurting yourself
๏ Hurting your partner
๏ Detailing the events to your children or family
๏ Becoming destructive to your environment

It's true that everyone needs a way to purge this vicious course of emotions, doubts and fears. Defaulting to unhealthy, dangerous and potentially life threatening methods of coping with your pain will do more harm than good.

Although it may be the first line of defense that you can conger, avoid drinking alcohol and taking drugs.  Quite simply, you will not be in your right state of mind and you may do something you will regret. Revenge is a sweet drug and fueled by artificial calm. Furthermore, by exposing yourself to these harmful indulgences you risk becoming dependent on drugs and alcohol.

Some of us may be accustomed to reaching for a bucket of ice cream and chocolate when we are stressed. Your immediate reaction may be to soothe your aching heart by binging on junk food with each day that passes. This is not a healthy outlet. Not only will you gain weight, but you will not look at yourself with respect or admiration. These things are easy bandages that cover up the pain and emotions that you must let go of.

Hurting anyone, most definitely including yourself, is completely unacceptable. Violence will only complicate the situation and leave you with mountains of nagging regret. Resorting to violence against their prized possessions, their clothing, or your home is also a tactic that does not bring any comfort. Do yourself a huge favor and be intelligent about the way you cope with your pain. Preserve your life and worry now about your dignity by writing off these excuses to sabotage yourself and the healing process.

Although one of your primal instincts will be to take up arms against the person your infidel let infiltrate your life, decide now that this will not change anything. The deed has been done. We truly have no way of knowing the life of the interloper. We do not know the circumstances that led this person to want to take that fateful step into your life. Writing scathing emails, making harassing phone calls, staking out this person in their own life, or worse, actual acts of violence against this person will be lost in the grand scheme of things. Realize that the Karma truck has already dumped a fresh load of crap for you to deal with and that you do not want to be the one with the shovel piling more and more on. Leave this person alone to their own destiny. Do not hit send. Do not dial the number. Instead, write a letter to this person, and burn it. Release it in ashes to the atmosphere. Honestly, they are not worthy of the intensity of your rage or hatred. Instead, take this intensity and refocus it as determination to heal for yourself, your children, your partner.

Now, we can discuss the productive methods of coping with your pain.

Productive Methods Of Coping
๏ First and foremost, take care of yourself physically, have a shower, 
   brush your teeth, put on clean clothes every day.
๏ Nurture your body like you never have before
๏ Consult with certified professionals
๏ Attend to your spirituality
๏ Seek online forums dedicated to overcoming infidelity
๏ Read relevant books, know that you are not alone
๏ Journal your feelings, get it out
๏ Confide in a single trusted friend
๏ As silly as this may sound, revamp your outward appearance

The best way to cope with your pain is seeking comfort from those who have gone through similar situations. Perhaps you have a friend, family member, or coworker that has overcome infidelity. If so, contact them and ask them to tell you how they dealt with the situation. Do not seek out someone who has not let go of or recovered from their own experiences. This will not help for both of you to dwell in the madness of it all. It may even do harm to the person that you seek advice from. You do not want them to have to relive the pain with you. If they are holding a vicious outlook toward their partner, this will only spur on negative feelings for you. Generally speaking, survivors like telling their untold stories of hardship and will be honored that you've turned to them for help.

If you don’t have a personal friend that can see you through this time, mingle online and in local organizations with those who can help. You'll often find forums online and local groups filled with members that are ready and willing to help you cope. The important thing to consider is that these groups do not discuss, examine or wallow in the events of the infidelity, but that they are determined to live a full life beyond the betrayal.

Explore your options. You can contact a professional, close friend, or a complete stranger online. The important thing is to get your feelings out into the open. Alternatively, if you prefer to keep your partner's act of infidelity private, simply journal your feelings. Journaling can help you express your emotions and think through different options. Journaling also provides you with the opportunity to converse with your higher self. Listen closely to what your soul is saying. This is your truth. There is always someone ready to listen to your troubles, even if that someone is you.

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