It’s after you have committed to your partner when the real relationship work begins. You’re committed and there’s no better way to show your commitment than with ongoing efforts in affection.
You come home from work with a headache and want nothing more than to eat raw cookie dough in your underwear with a glass of vino and watch whatever reality show it is that makes you cry.
Just as the ibuprofen and cookie dough are in sight you realize a wrench in your plan – your partner also comes home from work – whose palate is much more sophisticated and is not emotionally prepared to watch another episode of The Biggest Loser.
Exhausted, burned out, and blood sugar tanking, you barely share a kiss before slumping on the couch with last night’s leftovers. You didn’t even have the patience to warm them up all the way in the microwave. You channel surf long enough for you to remember, it’s only Tuesday (!), and figure you both should just go to bed.
Where’s the romance? Where’s the spark? Where’s the relationship effort? Remember when you first moved in together and you spent half your day at work fantasizing about what to cook your boyfriend for dinner? Remember when you couldn’t get through the opening credits of a TV show without having couch sex? Thank goodness for DVR, but those days are gone.
Sometimes it’s easy in a committed relationship to lose sight of each other. You’re already trying to keep up with work, friends, and family relationships, and you’re tired. You just want to come home, relax, and unwind. You don’t want to have to think.
It’s not that you don’t love your partner anymore, you’re just comfortable. You don’t have to play chase anymore. You don’t have to impress each other. You have committed, you live together, where’s the remote?
“Committed relationship” is not a synonym for “Get comfortable.”
It’s during the chase-phase of a relationship that everyone expects a high octane performance in thoughtfulness. But it’s after you have committed to your partner when the real relationship work begins. You’re committed and there’s no better way to show your commitment than with ongoing efforts in affection.
If you’re trying to avoid “getting comfortable” and want to maintain the fun, flirty, and “I literally want to charm your pants off” feelings in your relationship, here are seven ways you can show your affection, right now:
Notes On The Bathroom Mirror
Leave a note on the bathroom mirror telling your partner how you appreciate them, how you love them, and/or what you love about them. You could also leave a note by the coffeepot or in a jacket pocket.
Remember all that touching you used to do before you got “comfortable”? Trace your partner’s forearm or thigh with your fingertips the next time you’re anchored to the couch. If you’re really feeling ambitious, offer a neck rub just because you can, and without expecting one in return.
Impromptu Slow Dance
Have your “song” ready to play on your computer, iPod deck, CD player, whatever. Surprise your partner by playing it and share a slow dance in your living room.
Use the time you reserve for reading your Twitter feed to send your partner an email. Similar to leaving a note, tell your partner what you love about them.
Bring Home A Pint...
...of ice cream. Surprise your partner with their favorite ice cream, dessert, wine, etc. Think of what they like – it doesn’t have to be expensive – and do something nice just because it’s Tuesday.
Here And Now Text Message
Right before your partner gets off work, send them a “Meet me here [insert location], right now” text message. It could be your favorite happy hour place for a cocktail. It could be a park on a sunny day, where you can walk, hold hands, and just have time alone together after a crazy work day. Think about what best suits your personalities and needs.
Continue to show your affection in your committed relationship. Spontaneous acts of kindness and thoughtfulness give reassurance – you’re not getting so comfortable that you have forgotten how to romantically chase your partner.