Tuesday, January 29, 2013

So He Cheated...Now What ??!!

So He Cheated...Now What  - sad angry couple - bad relationship - married life
Though it may not be the easiest thing to do, salvaging a relationship after something like infidelity has even proven to make the bond between two people stronger than ever.

It can be one of the most painful things you’ll have to deal with in a relationship, and though it doesn’t always mean it’s the end, it does make it difficult to move forward and continue in a relationship. I’m talking about infidelity, cheating, stepping out….the unthinkable.

It is estimated that approximately 30 – 60% of married individuals will step outside of the marriage and cheat on their spouse at one point or another. With a number this high, it is apparent that many of the married couples we see walking around have been impacted by infidelity and have found a way to move past it and/or work through it. Though it may not be the easiest thing to do, salvaging a relationship after something like infidelity has even proven to make the bond between two people stronger than ever. So, if you have it in you, it might be worth trying to push through and bring it back to basics.

Is It Worth It?
The first step is trying to figure out if it’s worth it for you to put yourself through the very long process of forgiveness, rebuilding trust and ultimately moving forward and not holding it over your lover’s head for the rest of your relationship. It takes a very strong person to face this issue with their other half, so if you want to get past this hump, you must have the courage to be ready to bring everything to the surface – that includes possible infidelities you were unaware of, public humiliation, ill feelings you didn’t know were there, as well as various other things that might not be right in your relationship.

Forgive But Don’t Forget
While you’re going through the daunting task of searching for forgiveness within, don’t forget what happened. It is fine to forgive your partner but it is very important to also remain aware that your trust has been compromised and that it must be earned back again. If you’re going to move forward, consider this as a bump in the road, and not a road block. You can get past this, but you will have to remain positive and steer away from harboring negative feelings as they will stand in the way of true forgiveness.

Talk It Out
Communication is one of the most important things in a relationship, and when it has been tainted by infidelity, it’s clear that there has been a lapse in communication. Keeping an open dialogue and being honest about your feelings is key. You want to be sure he is clear on how much this has hurt you and how betrayed you feel. You must also give him the opportunity to make his case, but by no means does this negate what he has done, it merely gives you some insight into his thought process and possibly his motives. He may very well lie about this, but you have to be willing to hear him out so that you can eventually move forward.

Try To Trust
This might be the last thing you think you can accomplish, but rebuilding your trust is the only way that you can move forward and get past the issue of infidelity. Remember that it is a daily struggle, and your mind will most definitely wander and you will have sneaking suspicions that haunt you constantly. Do your best to trust your partner and leave the negative thoughts behind. If you incessantly dwell on what happened, you will never be able to re-build your trust and create the essential foundation for any type of relationship.

Start Over
After you have been through the above four phases, it might seem like you are backtracking, but starting over is one of the best things you can do for a relationship that has been stricken with infidelity. Wiping the slate clean after you have decided that it is worth it to try and rebuild the trust in your relationship is unquestionably the best way for you and your partner to move forward and move on. One of the most important things to remember when starting over is not to re-hash what has happened. The fact that you have chosen to start over means that you will let bygones be bygones and leave the past behind you. 

While the journey will not be an easy one, these 5 things can help to put you on the path to salvaging your relationship after he has cheated. Good luck!

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