Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Is He Ready For Children?

Is He Ready For Children? - couple fighting - bad relationship
Getting pregnant and presuming he’ll “change his mind” will break your heart—and that of your child’s—if he truly isn’t ready to commit to a family.

Your biological clock is ticking louder than ever. Unfortunately, your significant other doesn’t seem to hear it—

Or maybe he doesn’t want to acknowledge it.

It’s time to have that discussion: you know, the one in which you bring up the topic of having children.

In every exclusive relationship, this topic of conversation is a necessary one to broach. You need to hear what he thinks about it—and he certainly needs to know you’re thoughts as well, so don’t shy away from asking him.

Here’s how you should react to his very candid responses:

Answer #1: “I’ve Thought About Kids, And I Want To Be A Dad—But Just Not Now.”
You’re response should be: “Why do you feel you’re not ready now?”

The best thing you can do at this point is allow him to open up with his fears about fatherhood.  Don’t interrupt, frown, wince, or object to what he is saying. Remember, he’s expressing his concerns, which are all valid to him, just as yours are to you.

When he is through, reaffirm your own hopes and dreams about having children—and that you want to go through this next phase of your life journey with him. Afterward, ask, “When do you think you’ll be ready for children, and why then?”

Again, let him process his thoughts on the process parenting. If his answer is specific, like, “When I get my next raise,” or “In two more years,” and it works for you as well, let him know that you’ll be looking forward to revisiting the discussion then. This tells him that you’re taking his answer seriously.

Answer #2: “I Don’t Want To Be A Father.”
Yes, there are times when a significant other declares this, then change his mind at a later date. But odds are that (a) he has serious misgivings as to their own abilities to handle the responsibilities of parenthood; or (b) he is signaling that he feel they are not with the right partner with whom they wish to make this commitment.

Your follow-up response should be to ask him why he feels that way. His response may be anything from “I can’t stand kids” to “I’m a kid myself” to “I don’t want the responsibility.” Whatever it is, if you are serious about having children, don’t presume it will take more conversations—or arguments, pleading, or tears—to change his mind.

And getting pregnant and presuming he’ll “change his mind” will break your heart—and that of your child’s—if he truly isn’t ready to commit to a family. Instead, make the decision that is right for you, even if it means leaving him, to fulfill you desire for motherhood.

Answer #3: “Yes, I’ve Thought If It—And I’m Ready To Try For It.”
To a woman who wants children, that is music to her ears. Be happy that you’ve chosen a man who is ready to move into this next phase of commitment with you: one in which you’ll share many experiences and memories and joys. 

Now the fun begins!

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