Monday, October 22, 2012

Being Fearless with Women, Part 1


I recently had a chance to sit down with Nick Sparks and talk about being Fearless around women. In this two-part article you’ll learn some tips for improving your game, and discovering how “secret fears” are being displayed to women… and what to do about it.

1. With all the information out there about improving your skills with women,
why do some guys continue to struggle?

This should be the first question on every guy’s mind who’s been working at improving his abilities with women and people in general and haven’t seen results that make them happy – results that they’re content with.

The men’s social and dating advice industry, by whatever name it’s been called, has certainly made huge strides forward in the past decade or so; with the amount of quality information out there growing along with the amount of quality instructors. The problem, however, is that certain beliefs and sales slogans paraded as truth – conceived in the very heart of man’s insecurities and so seductive that we all fall prey to them from time to time – have intertwined themselves into the general consciousness of this industry and for far too long have gone unchallenged.

Until sabotaging falsehoods such as the belief that it’s what you say that will attract a woman, “any woman, anytime, anywhere”, and the like die their appropriate deaths – you will forever find this aspect of your life irreconcilable.

2.What are the most important elements separating “bad game” from “good game”?

Great question. In Fearless, we we discuss in far too much detail the actions which make the greatest impact on her. Here they are ranked in order, from most effective to least effective:

1. Focused intimate eye contact
2. Emotional facial expression
3. Effectively managing the physical space between you
4. Acknowledging her words with eye contact and a pause without feeling the need to add anything to it to validate yourself
5. The quality of your words

These are all things that “naturals” do effectively without thinking about it and what you did naturally whenever you’ve been ‘on’.

The problem is that most guys – and this industry as a whole – tend to put the vast majority of the focus on the thing that makes the very least difference in how attracted a woman is to you – the things you say.

Of course it’s a noble and worthwhile endeavor to work on making yourself more charming, clever, and funny –  and we no doubt teach that – however if your goal is to meet more women and you haven’t mastered the first five things that make much more of a difference… then you’ve effectively been wasting your time.

3.  What does it take to be “fearless”?

Human beings have an emotion response to “intense” situations. Whether it be talking to a beautiful woman, encountering a grizzly bear, or waking up on Christmas morning as a kid. Because of the value we place on particular situations, we label that exact same feeling two different things, ‘good’ or ‘bad’, based on the circumstances. So, no matter what, when you’re around a woman or women you’re attracted to, you will have the same physiological response.

For guys who has had positive experiences in the past that he can match to his current circumstances, those ‘excited’ feeling will feel good, he’ll act in a charismatic and confident manner, and he’ll usually get what he expects to get … what he’s usually gotten in those situations.

For guys who match painful or uncomfortable past experiences to current circumstances, that ‘excited’ feeling will feel like fear, anxiety, and will usually set off a chain reaction of subconscious behaviors that will usually get him what he expects … what he’s usually gotten in those situations.

Through giving a client the minimum necessary to be successful – forced to rely on his personality in tough situations; sometimes for the first time ever – and then flooding him with the positive experiences with women that come from changing these couple simple things, we effectively reprogram his natural interpretation of those feelings. After he’s seen a glimpse of that brave new world and working on it for a couple more months, he begins naturally looking at women the way he was meant into instead of through the haze of confusion that had been hindering his progress.

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