A woman telling you that you’re not her type can seem especially disheartening as there’s not much you can do about it and it’s a personal attack on your attractiveness. It’s a rejection that just can’t be countered … but only if you believe her.
She could be flirting
If she says it with a cheeky smile or a wink, you can be sure that it’s not a put-down, it’s a challenge. When it’s said after a proposition, she’s telling you that she’s not ready to jump into bed with you. She needs to be flirted with a little bit more. You’re on the right track, but you need to be less pushy and more teasing.
She could be lying
Most of the time, unfortunately, being told you’re not her type is not an invitation to keep flirting. When said in earnest, it’s bad news. A cliché that belongs with sentiments like “I don’t want to ruin our friendship”, “I don’t normally do this” and “I’m really busy at the moment”, saying that you’re not her type is just an excuse.
Types go out the window when you’re attracted to someone. Even if you’re a redhead fan at heart, you wouldn’t say no to Miranda Kerr. Whether she prefers men of a different build, complexion, personality, or anything else you might care to name; if she found you attractive it wouldn’t matter. If she’s been flirting with you or talking to you for a long time, she probably finds you in some way attractive (or at the very least, interesting). She’s probably just making up an excuse not to get with you, for reasons unknown. If you suspect she’s just saying that you’re not her type, then don’t give up just yet. Pull back the flirting and bide your time before hitting on her again.
If she’s not teasing or lying, using the dreaded “you’re not my type” line can mean only one thing …
She finds you repulsive
Most people have a type: attractive with a good personality. ‘Attractive’ and ‘good personality’ are shadowy qualities, and may mean slightly different things to different people. If you tick the boxes, however vaguely, then you’re her type. If you don’t, and she’s told you as much, then she’s saying you’re ugly, whether in looks or personality.Ascertain whether or not she finds you repulsive by seeing if she gives you a death-stare or look of disgust when she snubs you.
The quality that’s objectionable to her is likely to be found unattractive by others, and it’s not like you’re getting anywhere with her anyway, so use her to learn more about yourself. Ask what feature of yours she takes offense to, not in a way to challenge her judgment but with a genuine interest in self-improvement (it may help to explain your motive for asking to her). If she gives you a straight answer, and you think that other women would generally agree with her harsh assessment, then you can take steps to change that quality, hide it from prospective hook-ups or make up for it with other features.