A fledgling relationship has many boundaries to negotiate – sex being one of them. Women often set a time-frame for when they think you should be intimate for the first time, withholding pleasure from both of you until that day comes. Here’s an insight into what women are thinking when they decide to wait, and how you can speed up the process.
She wants to avoid the slut stigma
Women who purposefully delay sex are usually doing so because they don’t want to be seen as cheap or slutty. They are so keen to avoid being labelled a slut, that they deny themselves physical pleasure.Reassure her that your opinion of her won’t be lowered once you’ve had sex.
If she is comfortable enough with you but doesn’t want other people to know, then agree that your antics won’t leave the bedroom (or kitchen counter if that’s how you like it). Give her your word that you’re not one to boast to your buddies – and if she’s a keeper and you plan on introducing her to your friends, you’d better stick to your promise because you’ll have a very mad girlfriend if they mention anything they’re not meant to know.
If she’s concerned it will cripple the relationship
Magazines, the internet and well-meaning friends constantly remind women to hold out on having sex, because it will prolong their relationship. We’re told that once you sleep with us, the excitement will disappear and you’ll leave. Even newspapers tell us to wait – there was a news story in late 2010 reporting a Church-funded study which found that surveyed couples who waited until marriage to have sex rated their relationship as being more stable and satisfying. So you can hardly blame her for wanting to hold off on the sex if she thinks it is the only route to a fulfilling long-term relationship.
If she’s set a reasonably modest milestone which you must reach before she will share her body with you, then it may be best to let her reach that date just to set her mind at ease. It will be fun building that anticipation and driving her wild with desire while you wait. However, if her milestone is too far for your liking, you’re going to have to set to work on seducing her.
It may be the case that she hasn’t marked a date in her diary, but wants to wait until it feels right. This is the best case scenario, because if you spend lots of time getting to know each other, that day will come faster. Speed it up by sharing romantic and sensual experiences, so there are plenty of opportunities for the right moment to arrive.
Worst case scenario: she wants to wait for marriage
While it is becoming increasingly uncommon, some women want to save sex for marriage. Her rationale for doing so will come from religion (even if she is not religious, you’ll find the ideals underpinning this are from a religious point of view). Unfortunately this means it is hard to talk her out of it, as in doing so you are denying her beliefs and her right to have them, and this would cause her offense. Even if she doesn’t last all the way until marriage, it will take her a long time to develop the trust necessary to have sex with you. If you really like her and can compromise with her on having intimate contact but not going all the way, then you might as well continue dating her and seeing where it leads. But if you really can’t survive a sexless relationship, move on before you get too attached.