The primary obstacle to being good with women is simply fear. It’s the feeling of anxiety before approaching her, and then the milder, yet underlying fear of expressing yourself authentically when you actually do talk to a woman. The fear itself is a feeling, accompanied by doubt. It’s the doubts that point to the reason why you feel fear.
Men make a lot of excuses when it comes to going for what they truly want, especially if what they want is attractive women.
- She wouldn’t go for a guy like me.
- She probably has a boyfriend, or tons of other, better guys after her.
- I couldn’t keep up with a woman like that – she’s probably really witty and exciting.
- I don’t look good today – my hair is a mess and I’m wearing sweats.
- I’m in a bad mood.
These are the things guys say to themselves, or out loud to their friends nearby. They are conscious thoughts. But they only point to deeper issues, the real causes of these inane rationalizations. And I say inane because all you have to do is try. Not trying is the most ridiculous way to handle this situation. You miss all the shots you don’t take! And the biggest regret men have is not trying to meet that really hot girl they saw.
These conscious thoughts are the observable manifestations of unconscious beliefs that form over long periods of time, or during short but intense experiences, and then grow in strength. There are three very common ones that guys have:
I’m not attractive enough.
This assumes that a) you know what women are attracted to universally, and b) you know what this specific woman will like. I used to think women didn’t like guys with red hair. I never felt attractive. But after getting over my fear, I learned that a lot of women are really turned on by guys who look like me.
I’ve learned what women are attracted to universally. Ultimately, women like (or dislike) how a man thinks, and the best way to show you are passionate, ambitious, and courageous is to approach her! You show all you need to show, simply by having the balls to talk to her. Once you do, your job is pretty much done, unless you screw up because of the second belief.
I don’t know what to do.
This belief is self-perpetuating because there’s nothing to do. When you worry about what to do next, you act in ways that are unattractive. When you don’t worry about what you’re going to say or do next, and instead interact with the woman, moment to moment, really talking to her as you would any regular person, you’ll find that she will respond much more favorably.
This is because most guys try to “game” girls. And women have an intuitive radar for “game.” They don’t fall for it. They might giggle and play along, but they don’t like it when a guy tries to say or do the right thing. The want you to be real. Since this is rare, you will stand apart by being yourself. Also this shows that you don’t care what she thinks of you (since you’re not worried about impressing her). This makes you more dominant because dominance is indirectly related to approval-seeking. So not only do you convey more personal power, you intrigue her to wonder, “Who is this guy???”