Saturday, August 4, 2012

When She’s Friends With Your Ex

Getting involved with a close friend of your ex-girlfriend is not a good idea. Whether it’s a brief fling or a serious relationship, you’ll want to be prepared for the fallout.
Avoid it if you can

Heads up!

This could go one of two ways. Either they will remain friends despite their shared history with you, or they will start to hate each other. Even if they manage to stay friends, there will be some jealousy and resentment. There are plenty of other women out there, so if possible, avoid dating your ex-girlfriend’s friends. However, sometimes these things happen, especially if you share the same social circle.

Going for your ex’s friends will hurt your ex’s feelings. She will resent you for choosing one of her friends, out of all of the women you could have chosen. More than that, she will be upset that her friend is going for her seconds. Dating your ex’s friend is dangerous territory- there are too many feelings at stake here.
Be prepared to lose friends over it

Let’s say you’ve ignored all advice to the contrary, and are now in the sticky situation of dating a friend of your former girlfriend. If you’re all in the same social circle, switching girlfriends is bound to be a polarising issue. Sides will be taken, and it probably won’t be your side.
Do you keep it a secret?

You may well reach the conclusion that a secret romance will be far easier than having your ex know. This is true, but it will get a lot more complicated when the truth comes out. If you don’t intend for anything more than a fling, then there’s no point in telling your ex. Keep in mind that if you want to keep your ex from knowing, then you shouldn’t tell anybody because word can get around.

If you find a serious relationship developing, there’s only so long that you can keep it on the quiet. Particularly if they are close friends, the truth will come out. It’s better to tell your ex yourself, or have your new girlfriend tell her, rather than the news coming from someone else. To this end, she should also be one of the first people to know, awkward as it may be to tell her.
They will talk about you

A shared interest is always a fruitful topic of conversation. If you’re dating a close friend of your ex, you can be sure that you are that shared interest. Particularly close friends will even discuss your ability in the bedroom- so if you have any bad bedroom habits, they’ll certainly be having a giggle at your expense.

A more serious problem which you will encounter from them swapping stories about you, is that your new girl will know about all your flaws before you have a chance to impress her with all your good qualities. There was a reason why things ended with your ex- and she’s not going to hide it. Be prepared for your ex to inform your new girlfriend all about what’s wrong with you, either out of genuine concern for her friend, or because she wants to sabotage your relationship.

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