One of the biggest mistakes that I see guys making in the dating arena is that they don’t give themselves the right to fail. They take everything way too seriously and they act like the world is going to end if they make some sort of mistake with a chick they are talking too.
Believe me, I used to do the same exact thing. I used to get these little crushes on girls all the time and I would never act on them because I was scared of failure. Often I’d have like thirty of these little crushes going at any given time.
There were girls that I’d see around my neighborhood every day, that I would never say hi to. Girls working behind the counter in shops that I’d never flirt with. Girls in my social circle that I never expressed my interest in… And it was all because I was too scared of getting turned down.
What happens is that when you like a girl and start thinking about how cool it would be to hook up with her you start getting attached to this little fantasy of the two of you getting together. And then you start stressing out because you start worrying about that fantasy not coming true. This is why guys get stuck in the friends zone, because they’d rather hold on to the fantasy than go for it and risk failure.
And on top of that I used to worry about the “fall out” from getting rejected… How would I ever be able to show my face in the coffee shop if the barista girl had rejected me? How could I hang out in my social circle if everybody knew that I wanted to date “Molly” and they all knew that she wasn’t with the program?
How humiliating would that be?
The answer is… it’s not humiliating at all! So long as you don’t act like a wimp about it. You see, there are really two different ways to fail. You can fail like a loser which is humiliating or you can fail like a winner which is totally cool and a necessary step on your path to success.
Failing Like A Loser
When a loser fails, he sees his failure as proof of his “loser status” and he feels bad about it. Yet another woman has turned him down, and now he feels like he might as well just go bury his head in the sand. Maybe he should move to the wilderness and live like a hermit… After all, he’ll never be able to date any hot women and he knows it. This kind of thinking can cause guys to give up on succeeding with women altogether, or to settle for a woman who they aren’t even that keen on because they just don’t want to risk failing again.
You fail like a loser when you believe that you are defined by failure and feel ashamed about it.
Failing Like A Winner
Failing like a winner on the other hand is actually pretty fun. Sure, it’s not as much fun as actually being successful and “scoring”, but it’s not bad at all. In fact when I started giving myself the freedom to fail with women that’s when things really took off for me, and I hear the same thing from my clients all the time.
You fail like a winner by realizing that you are a winner no matter what happens out there. Let’s say that you think that the girl you see at the bus stop every morning is hot so you try to talk to her… It goes okay, but when you ask for her number she declines. Is that really so bad? do you really need to start taking another bus to work?
No it’s totally cool and in fact she’ll respect you ten times more than if you just stared at her creepily everyday while you waited for the bus and never said anything. who knows, maybe you’ll run into her at a bar some night and she’ll decide to give you a shot since she already knows that you are down to get down.