Sunday, May 13, 2012

When She Tells You About Her Problems

When She Tells You About Her Problems
When a girl you’ve just met decides to complain to you endlessly, you’re bound to feel a little out of your depth. You’ll want to escape the situation, but how can you when she just won’t shut up?
The difference between making conversation and complaining

What it means

There are many things it could mean when she is having a whinge, and they’re not all bad. If you’ve asked her how she is and she doesn’t reply using a variation on the standard response of “good”, it’s a possibility that she is just making conversation. Perhaps something has ruined her day, but it is a funny story which she wants to share with you to make herself seem entertaining. Even if she is having a rant, if it’s in any way funny then she is not serious about dumping all her problems on you, she just thinks you might find them interesting. If her complaints have entertainment value, then you have no cause to escape just yet.
Is she trying to build rapport?

A common trick to build friendships, which you may have even used yourself, is to tell a secret to your new acquaintance. The sense of trust that this creates quickly provides a foundation for a relationship. By telling you of her private problems, she could be trying to fast-track a friendship. This indicates that she is not interested in a one-night stand, but wants to be your friend and could be interested in a relationship. If you suspect this is her intention, and you’re interested in a relationship with her too, reciprocate what she said by revealing a secret to her too.
When the complaints go on too long

Give her five minutes. If she doesn’t stop complaining, then she’s just using you as a free counsellor. At the very least, she should be talking to her close friends about her problems, not someone she has just met. But once she’s started telling you her sad life story, you can’t just excuse from the conversation and never come back. As always when you’re stuck in a conversation you don’t want to be in, change the topic. However, it can be hard to find a way to do this when you’re on a serious topic.

One thing you can do to begin to close the topic, is suggest she talks to someone else about her problems. This can be done in a considerate way. Tell her that her problems are quite heavy, and that she should speak to someone qualified to help. Then you’re ready to change the topic. Even if you plan on leaving the conversation as soon as you get the chance, you should briefly talk about something else first or she might seek you out again to complain some more.
Why you shouldn’t just walk off

It’s rude to close the conversation when she’s tearfully telling you about her problems. It will make her even more upset, and then you’d be responsible for the horrible complaints the next person to talk to her will endure. But there is also a selfish reason why you shouldn’t just abandon her mid-conversation. With her propensity to complain, she could destroy your reputation. She will tell all her friends, and anyone else who will listen, that you are a prick.

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