Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Unrequited Love

Unrequited Love

Unrequited love is when your love for someone is not returned. It is a terrible feeling, and one that makes going through every day feeling lost, and depressed. Logic however, makes things simpler. Oh, only if our hearts were logical. Logic will tell us that there is no future in loving a person that doesn't love you. I mean, why would you want someone that didn't want you?

However, there are millions of people who have deeply loved someone, and that person did not feel the same way about you. Unrequited love starts when we are very young and we call it puppy love.

Unrequited love hurts us so much at such a young age, but we will find as we get older, the hurt of love doesn't get any easier. It doesn't make sense does it? You love someone so much, and why they don't love you back doesn't make sense, does it? Such is life.

As we get older, even if we try, and be extra careful not to feel hurt again, we remember what that felt like as a child, but we still go back for more. Sounds silly doesn't it? But a heart does what it wants to do.

You didn't want to fall in love again when dating, and you were not going to be so vulnerable this time, and that's all you want is some company, some companionship. Right? And then those feelings creep up on you. You know they are coming. You try to hold them back. You start to feel wonderful inside and you try to resist. And then...

Yes, you fell in love, again. With all the millions of topics written on the subject, and trying to figure out love, we just find a certain person attractive, enjoy each other, and begin to create a bond. Someone that makes us feel so good inside. But we are all so different as human beings. And those differences can make one of us in love, and one of us not. That's unrequited love. For some, the loss of this love is so strong that we lose our sense of self. How do I go on without_____? Why doesn't _____love me?

These are age old questions. Unrequited love is heart breaking. Some of us come from different worlds and just happen to meet. We find each other attractive, usually fall in lust first, and then in love. But if one person is raised one way and the other another way, they will have different takes on life. These are the differences that start to separate us.

We are all different. They can find each other attractive, but their make up, their differences, will not mesh with each other. You feel the love so strong, and you think that it is enough because you are blinded by the love you feel. But it's not enough. It never will be. That is what unrequited love is. One person loving the other, without it being returned.

I looked into astrology one time. Whether you believe in it or not is up to you. But one thing astrology offers us is a breakdown of twelve different signs based on when we were born. If you have never read them you should take the time and read about the twelve different personalities that make us who we are.

I found it quite interesting. Although you may not find every aspect of a persons personality under the description of their sign, you will find that the people you know, that you can compare, is uncanny and true.

It just says that we are made up of different personalities in this world of ours. And some personalities get along better with some rather then others. Even at that, it still doesn't mean that we are right for each other though. But it is interesting.

Can you survive unrequited love? The simple answer is yes. When will the pain go away? It will take some time. And will I ever completely get over that person? Maybe not. That person may stay in your thoughts the rest of your life. And then again, they just may be a devilish giggle one day and that's all.

If you are the type of person that is scared of rejection, you should never think about love. As you will find that rejection will come your way more times then not.

Healing from unrequited love is a time thing. I'm sorry. I wish there was a pill that you could take that could make you forget, but there isn't. But I heard that they are testing one in Europe that erases recent memory for people involved in trauma cases. Maybe if it works, it will be used for the trauma of this kind of heartache.

Time really does heal all wounds for the most part. How much time? Well, it really comes down to this. The longer it takes, the more you were truly in love. If you get over it in a month or two and you are already dating, then it probably wasn't love anyway.

Don't call the person as you will become just another heart broken pain in the butt. Leave the person with nice thoughts of you. Don't go where you know the person might be just to accidentally on purpose run into them. The only person it will hurt is going to be you. The more you know, the more you will be hurt. Unrequited love can make you look like a jerk, or even a stalker.

Joel Osteen said "In life we go through seasons. Recognize it's over, be grateful for the time you spent together, and press forward." Sounds easy, doesn't it? But for many, unrequited love will take a lot of time and healing.

As you probably won't see each other any more, when you do, be kind. A friendly hello, and say goodbye. Little conversations like these MAY enable you to become civil to each other again one day.

I know the pain will be almost unbearable. And I know that you will think of that person, and they way they used to love you, every waking moment of every day. The say that the loss of a love is like someone's grief when someone dies. The loss is devastating. And as your former mate moves on, and changes who they are, and enjoys life, you are in a place that you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. You see, if someone can move on this easy, they really never loved you. Maybe you were just used. Maybe your love was not unconditional. And isn't that what love is supposed to be?

And as hard as this is to accept, it may be the truth. So you have to get through. Don't take it day by day. Take it moment by moment. Little steps. For moral support through your unrequited love, talk to your friends and family. If needed, seek professional help to get you through the tough times. Stay close with friends if you can, go work out to get your mind off of things, and let life take its course. Life has a funny way of making you whole again and bring someone even better into your life.

You need to find the courage to bring an old relationship to its end. It can give you that deeper understanding of healthy boundaries - unconditional love is not selfless. You need to start loving yourself enough to love others in the healthiest possible way. By doing this, it allows us to love our self and to walk away for your own health.

It has been said that sometimes it is good to write about your relationship and your feelings. Actually put it on paper. As you do, you may realize more about the relationship then you have before. You may find out more then you ever thought possible.

People who say they hate the other person don't realize one thing. In order to hate someone that much, you have to love them that much.

Our search for someone to love, and be loved back, is age old. No matter how much we have been hurt by someone, most of us will never stop the search to find that special someone. And if that search turns up a soul mate, you will be forever blessed. We all need love. And although people say, I am through with men, or I am through with women, they really are not. You will find your love. But you have to find "you" first. Live your life the way that makes you happy.

Getting over unrequited love is likely to take every bit of strength you have, and then some. Your pain will be relentless. And knowing that a person who looked into your eyes told you how much they loved you, now is the person that kicked you to the curb. They go on with their lives happily while you hurt like you never hurt before, and can't believe they have done this to you. I am so sorry!

Don't put a date on stopping the mourning your loss of unrequited love. Just take it one moment at a time. When you are healed, you will know. You may never heal completely because when a person means that much to you, it tends to stay with you forever, just like puppy love. But heal my friend. Unrequited love is very hard to endure and let go of as, love remembers.

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