Are you dating a single parent? Here are 9 things you definitely need to understand before you think of making a long-term commitment to this person.
Love doesn’t always work out the first, second or even the third time around.
And when a relationship ends, sometimes kids get left behind.
Now many single parents choose to pore over their child’s welfare 24/7 and are therefore out of the dating market.
But there are still some single parents who crave companionship and romance.
9 ways to start a great relationship with a single parent
If you find yourself in a mutual attraction with a single parent, it’s way different from dating someone who doesn’t have kids.
There’s a whole paradigm shift there that you have to be aware of.
So to help you out, here’s the basic guide of things you should be
able to do to have a successful relationship with a single parent.
#1 You won’t be priority #1. This goes without saying since you’re dating someone who has an offspring.
But the child won’t be the only one that would come before you. There
are bills to pay, an education fund to save up for and other basic
responsibilities that go with having a child. And in order to get these
things, the single parent must hold on to his or her career too.
There will also be parent-teacher meetings to attend, recitals to
watch and play dates to set with other parents. But this doesn’t mean
you have to just blend into the background of his or her busy life.
There are two things you need to do to deal with this. One, you
should be supportive enough to give him or her time to take care of
their youngster’s wellbeing *plus time to rest afterwards*. Two, you
should resist the urge to bring up a fight when they cancels a date
because their youngster has a cold or a strange rash or needs help with
homework.
#2 He/she will have different preferences. Bachelors and
bachelorettes can be swept off their feet with a Caribbean cruise, a
date to a fancy restaurant or an expensive gift.
But with single parents, they tend to be a little more practical.
Instead of a grand gesture, they’re more likely to be impressed by tiny
but consistent things like an offer to take out the trash, a foot
massage or even a goodie bag of comfort food when they’re feeling low.
But this doesn’t mean single parents no longer want to be swept off
their feet. Some of them may have just gone through a relationship
filled with grand gestures that went belly-up despite the romance. Our
advice is to stick to the little things you can do, but it’s also a good
idea to do something romantic from time to time.
#3 Some single parents may not be looking to settle… Yet. Think
of it this way: a single parent has gone through the emotional trauma
of losing a significant other through divorce, a mutual separation or
even death. And if that’s not enough, there’s a child that was also left
behind by the end of the relationship. It may be hard for single
parents to open up to a new relationship again for fear that things
might end the same way.
There may be a long phase of “testing the waters” before you can be
considered the significant other, and even then, it’s still a long way
to the altar.
For the sake of his or her heart and the kid, it’s better to be
absolutely, positively, 100% sure that your relationship will be
successful before any commitment talk can come in.
#4 The defenses will be up. Nothing brings out a person’s
protective instincts more than the presence of an offspring. If you come
barging into a single parent’s life, you better watch yourself because
they won’t take crap from anyone.
What’s more, they’d be highly concerned about who they welcome into
their life because these people may also affect the welfare of their
kid.
Once a single parent sees signs that you may not be good with their
kid or you’re not really stepmom or stepdad material, the relationship
may not progress to anything more meaningful than a physical
relationship.
This is not to say that when you possess one bad trait, you’re out
the door. Just be aware that when you’re dating the parent, you’re also
somewhat wooing the kid if you want your relationship to be more
serious.
#5 Watch out for the ex. In many rom-coms, the ex of a single
parent is usually either virtually nonexistent or completely nuts. In
real life, their personalities won’t be so clear-cut. Some of them may
actually be genuinely happy that their ex has found someone who makes
him or her happy.
On the other hand, watch out for the more insidiously possessive exes
who think you’re a threat to their child’s wellbeing. Maybe someday
they’ll warm up to your presence in their kid’s life. But just prepare
yourself for unpleasant behavior like if the ex badmouths you to the kid
to discourage you.
Sometimes it takes years before the child can even form an opinion of
you that’s free from the ex’s influence. But be patient with this. Let
your own personality and genuine kindness shine through, and this may be
enough to shake off the ex’s sway on the kid.
#6 Woo the relatives and close friends. The single parent’s
loved ones will definitely be on the lookout for people who might feed
on their vulnerability. Friends and family may have witnessed the
deterioration of their previous relationship with the kid’s other
parent, so they may try to prevent the single parent from a relationship
that might end in heartbreak all over again.
Like with the single parent’s ex, there’s really no easy way out of
this. Again, just be genuinely caring and thoughtful, and hope that this
would be enough to convince them that you’re a good enough person.
#7 Show genuine interest in the kid. It’s highly likely that
single parents, particularly those who have been single for a while,
have molded most of their world around their children. The kids would
obviously be a huge part of their life, and would serve as a motivation
for them to work hard in order to provide for them.
It’s always a good idea to show some interest in the kid. But don’t
have entire conversations revolving around the little surprise revolving
around the “little surprise” in Georgie’s diaper. If the child is just
a baby, there’s really not much you can ask. But if they’ve already
developed a more complex personality, you can ask about their favorite
TV shows or their favorite sport. Just don’t go overboard on asking,
though, as there is a difference between curious and creepy.
#8 Don’t be too eager to meet the kid. It’s like an unspoken
rule among single parents that their children should not be exposed to
the full lineup of men and women they’re dating.
Just imagine how hard it would be for a child to really get along
with someone, and then with a blink of an eye, he or she is gone and
replaced by someone new. That’s definitely going to spawn emotional
issues later on.
You probably won’t meet the kid until the parent is sure that you’ll
be sticking around for a while. Not only does this serve to shield the
youngster from a revolving door of short-term hookups, but it also gives
the parent ample time to prepare the kid for the fact that mommy or
daddy may be at the start of a budding relationship.
#9 Keep trying even if his or her kids don’t like you. As
mentioned earlier, you’re also vying for the approval of the children.
This isn’t as easy as bringing them a few snacks or toys every once in a
while. You have to talk to them and establish rapport. This is a
serious emotional investment for you, the single parent and the child.
Try to brush up on what kids are into these days, whether it’s still
Barney and Barbie or snazzy gadgets. But even if you’re fully equipped
with a kiddie entertainment system, there’s still a chance that they may
not like you.
And that’s fine, in fact, it’s pretty normal at first. But once they
get to know you and they see that their parent loves you and wants you
to get along, this can be the first step to starting good rapport with
the kid.
Of course, all single parents are different. Not all of them may have
the same goals and preferences in life. But the key things you should
keep in mind is that even though their children are their main priority,
they also want to establish a relationship with someone they can relate
to and rely on to stick around.
Remember, it’s not easy to date a single parent if you expect the
relationship to be revolving around just the two of you. But if you
understand these 9 things, and you’re still willing to take the leap of
faith, go right ahead.
