ou’re finally in an official relationship with the one you were dating. It’s a big step, and you know for sure that changes are coming your way.
Out of personal experience and experimenting, I have come to a
conclusion that sometimes it’s not worth your time and energy to get
into a relationship with someone you’re dating. You need to be prepared
to make a transition from dating to “in a relationship” because as much
as you want to think that things will be the same or better, you end up
expecting too much.
I have been dating Samuel for a few months now, so it was obvious for
me that he was the “right person.” He was promising, he was funny, and
he was everything I hoped for in a man, so obviously, my desired path
was to move from dating to getting into a relationship with him. Why? I
hoped that things would be smooth all the way through – isn’t that what
most people dream of anyway?
Well, if you’re dating someone, I really hope for your sake that
you’re lucky to have it all smooth and nice. However, I must stress that
things are going to change and you will need to invest in your
relationship. It’s a simple rule: if a lottery player wants to win the
jackpot, he has to buy a lottery ticket.
That logic also applies to your transition from dating to a
relationship. This process requires your devotion, effort, energy,
collaboration, and sometimes, the ability to be your own psychiatrist,
best friend, and fortune teller at the same time. Weird, huh?
Unwanted situations during your transition to a relationship
You might think that the road from just dating to a relationship is
really smooth because nothing really changes anyway, but that’s not
entirely true. It’s going to be a bumpy ride with occasional halts in
the form of confusions. So before you take the leap, here are the top
five situations you will find yourselves getting into.
#1 Not so casual anymore. Back when you were just
dating, it was perfectly fine to “play it by ear,” so to speak. You
could go on a date today and not talk to each other the day after. The
dating game is filled with these kinds of situations, where you’re free
to do as you like as a single person, but you still secretly hope
there’s someone who cares enough about you to be consistent.
But once you’re in a relationship, it’s your responsibility to be
there for your significant other on a more consistent basis. You’re no
longer free and single, because you’re already committed to someone. It
may not be as serious a commitment as marriage, but it’s still a
relationship where your significant other has the right to know what
you’ve been up to.
It feels good to know that you can reach out to your partner, and
they’ll reach right back out to you whenever you need them. But in some
cases, the feeling that you always need to update your significant other
can be suffocating, and to some, it feels like a lot more work than the
casual thing you used to have going on.
#2 Sexual intimacy as an obligation? When you’re
dating, the thought of being sexually active doesn’t worry you much
because you know that your relationship is not serious – you’re just
dating. But when you’re in a relationship, a lot of people think sex
becomes a priority because it somehow binds the two people together.
Honestly speaking, sex has nothing to do with being in a
relationship. What matters is if you’re ready to be sexually intimate
with your partner. Unfortunately, no one can tell you if having sex with
someone is the right thing to do. That burden falls on you.
The only thing I will tell you is that when you transition from
dating to a relationship, you might think that it’s finally the “right”
time to have sex or you have to have sex. If you think that by
having sex, you’re going to achieve something, you’ll be sorely
disappointed. You should have sex only when it feels right for you. You
are under no obligation to drop your pants or jump into bed with your
partner, simply because you’re in a relationship with them.
#3 Meeting the parents. Somehow, and unfortunately,
it becomes a norm to meet your partner’s parents when you’re in a
relationship, but not when you’re just dating. A lot of people panic for
no reason, to be honest – you’re just meeting their parents, not
joining the army! While some partners will not force you to have dinner
with their families, others will take it upon themselves to have you
meet their parents for “further evaluation.”
Back when you were just dating, the only people involved were the two
of you, and maybe a handful of close friends who know that you’re
dating. But when parents get thrown into the mix, it suddenly becomes a
family affair. You get friend requests from your significant other’s
parents, you get invited to family events, and you get to meet extended
family. It’s like you’ve automatically added a bunch of new people into
your social network, simply because you dated one of their family
members.
#4 Interests, goals, and the compromising they entail. This
was something that bothered me when I transitioned from dating to a
relationship. I used to be a freelance event organizer, and my partner
was very okay with me traveling to places to organize events, and he was
fine when I was in the company of strangers. He didn’t say a word if I
didn’t answer his calls because I was busy working or I was fast asleep.
But when we transitioned to a relationship, suddenly things became a
little more serious.
Now my traveling started to annoy him because I didn’t give him
enough attention. Suddenly, being with strangers made him so jealous
that he’d want to be there with me, like a bodyguard. If I failed to
answer his calls, he’d demand to know why!
Sometimes, no matter how cool your partner may have been about what
you do, their true opinions on it and their true colors will show up
only when you’re already in a relationship. Why? Because you’re already
somewhat committed, and you wouldn’t break up with them over something
as trivial as their petty jealousy or their indifference towards your
job or their contempt for your pet cat, right? Sadly, the best foot
forward phase ends when you get into a serious relationship.
#5 Suddenly people have a voice. When you’re just
dating, everyone thinks that you’re not really serious yet because you
aren’t official. But when you transition to an official relationship,
suddenly everyone’s opinions have to matter. A ton of people will give
their *sometimes unwarranted* two cents about your relationship.
Suddenly, your significant other’s job, income, family background,
thoughts on marriage, and even their pet warrants some sort of scrutiny.
While the people giving their opinion may just be looking out for you,
it can still be pretty annoying.
Dating around and looking for “the one” may seem like such a
chore, but the transition from dating to being in a relationship can
sometimes be just as daunting. My advice is to just take it slow, and
give yourselves some time to adjust.
