The green-eyed monster has ruined many a relationship. Knowing how to stop being jealous means figuring out what drives your jealousy.
The reason jealousy is called the green-eyed monster is because there
is nothing pretty about it. The road to understanding how to stop being
jealous is not paved with ease or security. The reason people feel
jealous in a relationship is because they feel they aren’t good enough
to be with the person they are with.
The key to stopping jealousy is to feel better about yourself, stop
worrying about whether someone else loves you, and, most of all, love
yourself.
No one wants to be alone, especially when you feel like you found
love. But, love is only special when shared by two. If you constantly
feel like your time with the person you love is limited and can end at
any point, then you aren’t really enjoying it.
How to stop being jealous
If you find your jealousy causes issues in your relationship, then
you have two choices: either discover you are worthy of love or move
along. Don’t stay stuck feeling insecure. It just isn’t fun, nor is it
what a true relationship is about.
There are all sorts of reasons people feel jealousy. Some stem from
within and others from external sources. But, in the end, the only one
who controls your feelings of jealousy, even if your jealousy buttons
are being pushed, is you.
#1 Figure out what makes you happy. Often, we feel
jealous when we give too much of ourselves to a relationship. If you
find your partner’s needs always come first, they always get to choose,
or you just give in all the time, then it is not uncommon to feel
jealous. They are enjoying their lives, while you are being someone else
and forgetting about your own needs.
If you cater to your own likes and do what you want to do, then you
don’t have to envy that you gave up who you are to make someone else
happy.
#2 Be okay with being by yourself. Fear is one of
the biggest drivers of jealousy. If you fear being alone, that fear may
make you jealous when you don’t really have a cause. We all fear the
loss of a loving relationship.
But, if you are always jealous and suspecting of their behaviors,
then it just might be that you aren’t okay with losing them. Because
you’d be alone with yourself again. If they did cheat and you lost them,
you will be okay alone.
#3 Realize there are a million fish in the sea.
Sure, they might be the best thing you ever had, but if you are so
jealous that they will cheat on you, they can’t be as awesome as you
think. Decide for yourself if they are the type of person that will hurt
you by cheating. If you believe they are, then you need to move on.
Stop being jealous, if they choose to hurt you, then they do you a favor. There are many people out there who never would.
#4 Recognize your own strengths and assets. Stop
worrying about them finding someone and think about how lucky they are
to have you. When you think you are with a ten and you are a three, then
it is easy to feel jealous all the time.
If you wonder why they are with you and fear at some point they will
find better, then you don’t see what they see in you. That is not only
your loss; it might be the source of you eventually losing them if they
can’t curb your jealous nature.
#5 Mind over matter. When you feel jealous, stop,
think rationally, and figure out if it is real or something you created
in your head. If you needlessly fear, you likely create a scenario in
your head that isn’t real.
#6 STOP snooping. Constantly checking their actions
through social media, going through their phone, or looking for receipts
won’t give you the answers you need. In fact, it just adds more fuel to
your fire.
You either believe and trust them or let them go. Constantly trying
to play the “gotcha” card isn’t fair to your partner. It certainly isn’t
doing you any mental favors.
#7 Think positive unless you have a reason not to.
Ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy? You might be creating one. If
you continually accuse your partner, look for proof of their infidelity,
or confront them with distrust, you might get the very thing you are so
afraid of. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who
doesn’t trust them.
Your need to prove them a liar and a cheat eventually get olds. You
end up losing them, whether they cheat or not. So, what is the purpose
of always expecting the worst?
#8 Listen to that inner voice, but only when it is rational.
Try to ignore the inner voice fueled by fear. Listen to the one that
tells you what is really in their heart. There are very few times when
our true inner voice is wrong. It probably tells you to stop and find
peace, not continue your witch hunt. You just have to stop and listen,
really listen.
#9 Forget about your past. If cheated on in the
past, let that go. Just because one person was a total asshole doesn’t
mean the person you are with is. If you keep labeling them in the same
category as those who hurt you, all you do is hurt yourself.
#10 Forget about their past. Even if they cheated in
the past, that does not mean they will cheat again. You have no idea
what their former relationship was like. Although once a cheater always a
cheater may be true in some instances, you can’t assume you know their
previous situation. So, let their past stay in their past.
#11 Keep parts of you separate, but not secret. If
you merge yourself with someone, then you lose a little bit of you. That
is a super scary feeling. That means if you lose them, you lose
yourself. That type of anxiety and fear brings out the green monster in
us all.
Try to maintain a little bit of your anonymity to make sure you
aren’t overcome with jealousy at the slightest fear of loss.
#12 Do things just for you. You might be jealous
because you forgot what makes you happy and how much fun you had before
you met them. Maybe you gave up those things that make you happy. It
only puts more pressure on the relationship and fear of loss.
If you want to know how to stop being jealous, it may just be about
doing things that you love by yourself to prove that, if the worst
happens and you aren’t together anymore, you can still be okay and
happy.
#13 Flirt… I know, right? Yep, remembering you are
still desirable to other people is one of the best ways to get over your
jealousy. Remember if they find someone else, you can too, and it will
be their loss.
#14 Find out what you don’t like about yourself and fix it.
You should feel as if they are as lucky to have you as you are to have
them. If you don’t, then it is time to find out why you think you are
disposable. If you think they aren’t as into you as you are to them,
then that is something to examine and figure out.
#15 Don’t be completely reliant on anyone but you.
Realize people come and go sometimes. If you are okay with you and knew
that you would survive losing them, even if you didn’t like it, then you
wouldn’t run around worrying so much about them liking someone more
than you.
#16 Figure out what drives your jealousy. Some
people are just naturally jealous by nature. But if you aren’t one of
them and never been jealous in the past, then stop and examine what
about your current relationship makes you feel the way you do.
Maybe there is something to your jealousy that you don’t want to
admit. If that is the case, stop asking yourself how to not be jealous.
Instead, ask yourself what about the relationship makes you insecure.
#17 Talk with your significant other about the things that make you feel insecure.
If you want to know how to stop being jealous, you need to start by
talking to your partner about the things they do to make you feel
insecure.
If you don’t like that they are close to their ex, then voice your
concerns. If you worry your relationship is one-sided, be honest about
that too. Sometimes honesty really is the best policy.
#18 Don’t cheat. If you cheat, then you are going to
be jealous. Even if you just cushion, it drives your insecurity. Guilt
is a very powerful driver of jealousy!
#19 Don’t isolate yourself in the relationship.
Don’t stop going out with your friends or carrying on your regular
relationships. Otherwise, you isolate yourself. That makes you feel like
there is only one person in the world, which ups your fear factor.
Make sure to keep in touch with the outside world, or you will find yourself extremely jealous.
#20 If warranted, lose them. If it is something that
they are doing, you confronted them, and they refuse to change, then it
isn’t a matter that you stop being jealous. You should move on to find
someone who makes you feel loved and secure, not anxious and jealous.
In the end, if you are always jealous, then it isn’t a relationship
that makes you feel secure. If you can’t find a way to get past the
jealousy, then stop worrying about getting over it and get on with it.
There is a reason that we sometimes feel jealous, warranted
or not, and if you can’t figure out how to stop being jealous, then they
aren’t the right person for you, period.
