When you’re infatuated with someone, it can be easy to confuse the definition of infatuation with love. Read on to find out how to tell the difference!
Infatuation is a strong, overpowering feeling. It can make you do the
most unheard of, inane things for the sake of your intense feelings for
the object of your infatuation. However, while you may think that
you’re head-over-heels in selfless love, what you feel, being merely
infatuation, is essentially selfish.
This is because when you are infatuated, you solely focus on how the
other person makes you feel, rather than consider whether or not that
feeling is reciprocated. Thus, infatuation can cause us to act and think
in selfish ways, in the sense that you “take” from the other person and
let this taking fill and assure you, therefore justifying the
relationship or the feeling as “love.”
So how do we know, exactly, if our feelings for another person are
just infatuation and not love? Here, we discuss what infatuation really
is, how it’s different from love, and how you know if you’re really
infatuated with someone or if it could be something more.
Infatuation defined
Infatuation is best defined as strong and often foolish and
extravagant passion or admiration that is often short-lived. The feeling
is heady and intoxicating, taking you to the highest of heights when
things go well, and the lowest of lows when it doesn’t.
Some relationships start out as infatuation, burning brightly as the
couple can’t seem to get their eyes and hands off of each other at
first. These feelings are so strong, like a fire taking over your whole
being. If you’re one of the lucky few, this infatuation will mellow down
into something tamer and more lasting, which can be considered “love.”
However, some people can mistake infatuation for love, which can
result in their making all sorts of impulsive *and even crazy*
decisions. When the flame of infatuation eventually dies down, it will
be easier to see that your feelings weren’t real love at all, and you
can be well on your way to finding another person to fan the embers and
light your life anew.
So how do you know if what you’re feeling is just infatuation or true love?
Infatuation vs. Love
To more aptly define what infatuation is, you must also be able to
distinguish it from what it isn’t. Although infatuation can often be
mistaken as love, it isn’t love. You may have
gotten yourself into all sorts of problems and troubles thinking that
the strong feelings you have for another person are true love, which is
something more serious, deeper, and long-lasting.
Here’s how to distinguish infatuation from love:
#1 Perfection and flaws. When you’re infatuated with
a person, you tend to think that person has all the qualities in a
romantic partner you’ve ever wanted and more—you think that they’re
perfect. However, when you’re in love, you have a more realistic grasp
on the fact that the person is not perfect, but you love them anyway and
accept their flaws.
#2 Selfish desires. When you’re infatuated, you want
that person to always be with you. Often, you both forget your
responsibilities because you want to be together. You expect everything
else to take a back seat. When it’s love, however, you become more
selfless and more considerate of each other’s needs and priorities.
#3 Possessiveness. It’s common to want to be with
each other 24/7 when you are infatuated. You’ll likely always want *or
even demand* that they spend all their time with you, resulting in your
becoming possessive and even insecure.
You want their presence to be an assurance of your feelings. But when
you’re in love, you understand that they don’t have to be around you
for you to feel good about yourself or your relationship.
Signs you’re infatuated
Even if you think you have a handle on the difference between love
and infatuation, when you find yourself caught up in the throes of
passion, it can be extremely difficult to tell the two apart. If you
suspect your feelings may be a bit out of control, try to take a step
back and examine yourself and your relationship as objectively as
possible. Below are the most common signs of infatuation to look for:
#1 Thinking goes haywire. Where you could once pride
yourself for being rational, infatuation has now taken hold of your
brain and is making you think the silliest, most illogical thoughts. It
seems like your mind has a new way of tying every thought you have to
the object of your affection. You hear a song on the radio? It’s like it
was written for the two of you. Almost everything reminds you of them,
from the topic on the news that day to the shirt that your colleague is
wearing.
#2 Losing focus. You’re doing one thing, but your
mind is wandering off to thoughts about your crush. Whether you’re at
work, in school, doing chores, or even hanging out with other people,
you can’t seem to perform at your once-optimum level because your focus
is not on what’s in front of you. Instead, you’re constantly letting
your thoughts of that special someone totally consume your focus and
drive.
#3 Perma-smiling. Each time you think of this
person, you have this one weird, silly smile on your face that just
doesn’t seem to go away. A word from them, a memory, or even a remote
reminder will evoke a kind of smile that only they can give you, even
without their knowing. This smile is plastered on your face the whole
day, and everyone can tell you’ve been daydreaming about “that guy” or
“that girl” again.
#4 Heightened emotions. Being infatuated leaves you
feeling giddy one moment, and down in the dumps the next. This is
because you feel like you’re in a roller-coaster, where your emotions,
as sensitive as they are at this moment, are going to the extremes. When
you see your guy or girl, you feel like you’re up on cloud nine. But
when you’re missing them, things don’t feel quite right in your life,
and everything else is affected.
#5 Non-stop talking. Since everything reminds you of
this person, naturally, you can’t stop talking about them. A friend
asks you how you are, and you answer, “I’m fine… I’m great, actually!
Marc just texted me ‘Good morning!’ today. Yay!” If your friends are
understanding, they will let you gush over your crush non-stop and may
even join in as you rave *because they probably know that this stage
likely won’t last long and you’ll be all over them in no time*.
#6 Number-one follower. In this age of social media,
it’s so easy to stalk your object of infatuation. You follow them on
all their social media accounts, “like” all their posts, and even drop
in some eager comments every now and then *just so they won’t notice how
much you’re into them*. Not only that, but you’ll also spend hours each
day just going over all of their posts and photos again and
again.
#7 Double espresso of pleasure. When you see your
crush, it’s like you’ve been hit with two shots of espresso—only it’s
actually bliss. It’s like Cupid hit you with two arrows packed with some
feel-good drug, because you can’t help but feel all giddy and elated.
Even when you simply see them from afar, you’re swooning like you’re
going to have a heart attack. And when they approach you, even just to
say hello, the hit is so strong that you almost feel as if you’ve died
and gone to heaven.
#8 Their hands, their eyes, their everything. To
you, your crush’s eyes are suddenly the brightest, warmest, most
beautiful sight. You can’t get enough of how their hands look and feel,
and in fact, even a whiff of his cologne or her perfume from miles away
can make your heart do somersaults. It’s like everything about this
person is perfect *even their crooked teeth* and no one else can come
close.
#9 Drop everything. When you’re infatuated, you’re
willing to drop everything at the beck and call of your crush or object
of infatuation. You’re struggling to finish some work at home, but one
phone call from them and you are suddenly out the door, not caring if
your boss will fire you the next day because you put your work on hold.
#10 You’re living in a fantasy world. Ever caught
yourself daydreaming about the object of your affection nearly
everywhere you go? Whether you’re running on the treadmill, sitting in
class, or hard at work, you can’t help but constantly imagine that
you’re somewhere else—in your crush’s arms.
Think of the middle school cliché of doodling your names together in
hearts on all of your binders. Only now, you may actually have yourself
convinced that the two of you are soulmates, when in fact, your
crush might not even realize you’ve been feeling so intensely about
them.
Infatuation can set you up for a lot of disappointment and
heartbreak, especially when you mistake it for love. Being infatuated
can feel a lot like being in love. However, the best way to distinguish
love from infatuation is to keep in mind that infatuation is driven more
by feelings. And feelings are fickle.
You can’t rely on them and put yourself out on the line. You can’t
use them to determine if a person is right for you, or if a relationship
can be sustained in the long run.
While there are many times that infatuation can flourish into
real love, it can be helpful to first understand the true definitions
of infatuation and love. This can help you recognize and make sense of
your feelings before acting on any emotions that may be mere
infatuation.
