Are you wondering where you stand, or whether you’ve crossed the finish line? These 14 steps will reveal your true dating vs. relationship status.
Casual dating is a marvelous way of getting to know all kinds of
people, without having to feel tied down to anyone until you’re
absolutely ready. It’s not a crime; it’s a necessity. That being said,
it is important to remember that your dynamic with anyone, regardless of
who it is, won’t be as intense or committed as in a serious
relationship.
Serious relationships tend to be monogamous and long-term—or at least
conducted with that intention in mind. Even if it doesn’t pan out,
there was a level of seriousness there that reflected commitment—more so
than casual dating ever provides. There’s also the underlying message:
love is there. Love isn’t a word thrown around lightly when casually
dating. Let’s consider the signs, to see where you might be.
Casual dating
So, are you still in the non-exclusive stage of casual dating where
hearts are fluttering with affection, but nothing’s too sure just yet?
Use these signs.
#1 Casual dating can mean friends with benefits. This
isn’t always the case, but there’s a chance that if you’re casually
dating, you have a friend who’s also single, and you’re having sex on
occasion. This doesn’t mean you’re in a relationship; it means you’re
both helping each other with sexual frustration. If there was more to
it—something serious—there would have been a discussion.
#2 Odds are, there’s more than one person. Because
you’re not serious with any one person, there are probably 2+ people in
the picture at any given time. Maybe you’re texting one person, but
planning a coffee date with another. It’s not wrong; since you’re not
tied down, you’re simply screening a list of potential candidates. It
could also be that you’re having fun, and taking a break from dating,
but still want people to do things with.
#3 May or may not include sex. Casual dating doesn’t
mean you have to sleep with everyone you talk to. On any given day, you
might meet someone new, or stop talking to someone you’ve been talking
to for months. The idea of sleeping with every single person that comes
and goes isn’t exactly realistic for most people. In fact, sometimes
casual daters don’t sleep with anyone at all, opting to wait until a
serious relationship is established.
#4 May see each other occasionally, or even a little more. If
you’re not serious with someone, why see them all the time? Might as
well see them on occasion, or maybe regularly, but not most of the time.
The minute you see them too much, you inch closer to something more
serious.
#5 The chances for unfulfilled romantic feelings are high. This
is a sad reality that everyone needs to understand: sometimes you won’t
end up on the same page. It could be that one of you has intense
feelings, and the other doesn’t. It could be that one of you wants to
commit to a relationship, but the other one isn’t ready, despite having
romantic feelings. Life is hard, and love is perhaps one of the hardest
aspects of it. Timelines don’t always match up.
#6 Might not know each others’ friends. Think of
friends as a test. You have to prove yourself to meet someone’s friends,
then prove yourself again upon meeting them. If you’re still in the
proving part, you may or may not have a shot. Now, if the person makes
it obvious you’re not even close, and will never meet their friends,
it’s never going to get serious.
#7 Level of seriousness is low. Casual daters don’t
usually find themselves sighing on a bench, in a garden, fantasizing
about a long, lasting future with someone. The expectation is low, so
marriage and family planning aren’t really on the table. The minute
serious topics come up, someone has developed feelings. [Re
Relationship
If you’re already in love, but just want to feel reassured that the
feeling is mutual and everything’s just dandy in loveland, look for
these subtle signs in your romance.
#1 It’s been made official, obviously. If you two
lovebirds had the whole “we should be an item,” conversation, then
things are pretty clear. The reason you’re reading this article is
either because your partner forgot about the conversation, or you’re
having a terrible time.
#2 Monogamous—you’re just sleeping with each other. This
is a huge sign. Say you haven’t had the “official” conversation yet,
but you’ve established that you’re not sleeping with other people. That
means there’s a chance you’re easing into a serious relationship with
the person, but are waiting to become an official item.
#3 Both parties see a potential future together. It
may sound obvious, but people get tunnel vision and focus on the
present, so it’s a good reminder: being in a serious relationship means
you’re aiming for a future together. There are too many couples out
there that simply don’t work, for various reasons *immaturity,
incompatibility, different goals, etc*. To build a future, you have to
focus on your level of compatibility. How good of a chance do you really
have at making it work for the rest of your lives? This is something
that was considered, and weighed in at “let’s try this.”
#4 If trust is ever broken, the relationship suffers. In
a casual setting, people expect their sexual partners to have other
sexual partners. If someone lies, no real emotion is involved.
Meanwhile, in a relationship, these things will break trust, and trust
is not something you want to lose. It’s almost impossible to get back
and, chances are, you’ll spend your time kissing your partner’s feet and
feeling inferior, until the love is gone on both sides.
#5 Sex is more meaningful. Sure, casual sex is
pretty easy to come by, but at the end of the day, it means nothing more
than the motion of the ocean. Sex in a relationship is meaningful,
because there’s a love connection there *hopefully*, and it makes the
act more than just about lust.
#6 You know each others’ friends. Your friends have
been around for however long, so they’re important to you. If you
introduce someone to them, then they did something right and earned
their way to your friends. If it wasn’t serious, you’d never come close.
#7 Strong emotional connection. When two people get
together in a serious relationship, regardless of anything else *even
common sense, sometimes*, they have a strong emotional connection. The
love is there, and that’s a word that isn’t used in a causal
relationship. You miss the person when they’re gone, you put energy into
making them happy, and you include them in decision-making. There’s
both a want, and a healthy level of need, to have that person in your
life.
Differentiating the dating vs. relationship status can be a
little messy, depending on the situation. Sometimes, nothing serious is
spoken, but serious actions are undertaken. Other times, the right words
are there, but the feelings aren’t. But by using these signs, you’ll be
in a better position to know just where you are.
