Pointing the Finger
You’re lonely
You see hot women, but they seem distant, unapproachable, impossible.
You study dating advice. You know deserve these hot women. Yet you continue to suck.
Why?
Who’s to blame? Is it the materials? The women? Your wingman? Or … could it be … you?
There’s No Magic
I don’t know how else to say it other than to say magic doesn’t exist in dating advice. I know that sounds condescending, but it’s the only way I can describe the expectations of some men who study dating advice.
They believe they can read an eBook or watch a seminar and then—voila—they’re going to change. These are the same guys who bitch that they do approach and they aren’t keyboard jockeys, yet they still can’t get the girls they want.
These guys, in my opinion, believe in “magic.” Like a magic trick, they believe that by reading or hearing the words of dating advice that they’re going to transform their lives. They continue to act exactly the way they want to act yet they expect a different response. They expect magic.
You’re not going to get a different result if you don’t change your behavior. And you’re not going to change your behavior without feeling really strange and uncomfortable. Guys who suck with women often continue doing what feels comfortable to them while pretending they’re trying to make a change by reading dating advice.
Here’s a litmus paper test: if you feel comfortable, you’re not making a change.
“But I Approach!”
The biggest haters and critics of dating advice aren’t the embittered basement dwelling keyboard jockeys; rather it’s the studious go-getter who hides in his comfort zone. These are the guys who would rather endure rejection rather than do something uncomfortable.
Since these guys have many positive traits of a successful student, they often spit the most vitriol when they fail. These are the guys who scream “SCAM,” proclaim their sob story to others, and try to enlist their feel comfort dwellers in their misery.
I know these guys well because they’re the ones who scream in my face, “But I approach!” when I question their failure. They believe that refrain—“But I approach”—absolves them of any responsibility. If they approach, they feel they should be successful.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news: approaching puts you in the game, but it doesn’t guarantee you success. For some guys, who can naturally generate attraction, it does translate to instant success. But for those who have tried and failed, you need to do something differently. As the Einstein maxim states, “Insanityisdoing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
If you’re not reaping the results you want, reexamine yourself.
It’s Up to You and You Alone
If this article offends you, then it’s probably not meant for you. I’m not trying to appeal to the flock of whiners who want someone to blame for their misfortunes. If you find yourself perpetually pointing the finger at others for your unhappiness—women, dating instructors, your friends—then you’ll never achieve success. Stop reading and go back to your miserable life.
If, however, you’re still reading and don’t feel the urge to strangle me, success can be yours. In fact, you’re almost there. You’ve assumed responsibility for yourself, and know the path for your success is one that only you can walk down. No one can push you off it and no one can lead you down it.
Though, that path may not always be comfortable. If you’re not enjoying success now, a period of discomfort stands between you and your ultimate goal. If you just lurk in the safe realm of your comfort zone, you’ll move beyond where you currently are now.
The dating advice on this site can guide you—like MapQuest—toward the success you seek. That advice, however, is only non-magical words. Simply reading advice won’t make you successful. Simply approaching women in a way that feels comfortable won’t make you successful (except in rare occasions).
Only when you combine learning, action, and temporary discomfort will be harvest the dating life you want. You will cease to suck.
Final note/disclaimer: In my article last week, “Why Isn’t Every Guy Dating His Dream Girl?”, some readers misinterpreted my advice to “forgo your pride” as simply making a decision to approach women without fear. While approaching women fearlessly is the most obvious example of forgoing one’s pride, it’s not the only example. Getting over your pride also means stepping outside your comfort zone and implementing new behavior. And not just once or twice, but repeatedly. Time-after-time. Until that new behavior becomes habit, and brings success.
