You like her, but the sex just isn’t doing it for you. Here’s how to handle it when she’s not up to scratch in the bedroom.
You can’t just tell her
Spice it up
Things have to change, but it won’t happen by having an open conversation about your sex life. Telling her that she’s not satisfying you is frankly insulting. She might get offended and not want to sleep with you again, or she could become self-conscious in the bedroom. Telling her bluntly is not the way to go. Instead, you’re going to have to take a more subtle approach.
Encourage her to do new things
She won’t know what gets you off unless you point her in the right direction. If you tell her what you’d like her to do, she’ll get more into it as she enjoys the power of being able to control your pleasure. Also, try to introduce new moves and see if there’s something which you can both enjoy. Especially if she is inexperienced, the reason she is a dud in bed may be because she doesn’t know what to do and is embarrassed about you noticing she doesn’t know what she’s doing. If you’re learning a new move together, than that embarrassment will lift. However, your sex life is not a porn film. Don’t expect to be replicating the crazy moves of your private film collection- it’s not like she’s a professional porn star!
If she’s lazy in bed
She may make a lot of noise, but she’s not pulling her weight and you’re getting sick of having to do all the work. How inconsiderate of her. But there’s an easy fix for this: don’t let her be lazy. This means not taking all the control and letting her make an effort, even if she is not very good at it at first, practise makes perfect. You will have to force yourself to be lazy, so that she has no choice but put in some effort.
Keep in mind that if she is not as strong as you, her muscles are going to tire quicker than yours. Don’t expect her stamina to match yours, especially at first, but she should be doing at least some of the work.
Maybe she thinks you’re bad in bed
Perhaps you two are just sexually incompatible. You like different things or you’re not physically into each other. What you assume is her being a dud in bed could actually be a mutual feeling as her needs aren’t getting met either. There might not be a solution for this, but one strategy you could try is to ask her what she would like you to do. Even if it’s not something which gets you off, hopefully she will be so into it that she will make more of an effort to please you.
It’s rare that you’ll find someone so bad in bed that they cannot be improved. Everyone has sexual urges and wants to get off, it’s just a matter of finding something that you’re both into and you’ll find your ‘dud root’ transforms into a sex goddess.
You can’t just tell her
Spice it up
Things have to change, but it won’t happen by having an open conversation about your sex life. Telling her that she’s not satisfying you is frankly insulting. She might get offended and not want to sleep with you again, or she could become self-conscious in the bedroom. Telling her bluntly is not the way to go. Instead, you’re going to have to take a more subtle approach.
Encourage her to do new things
She won’t know what gets you off unless you point her in the right direction. If you tell her what you’d like her to do, she’ll get more into it as she enjoys the power of being able to control your pleasure. Also, try to introduce new moves and see if there’s something which you can both enjoy. Especially if she is inexperienced, the reason she is a dud in bed may be because she doesn’t know what to do and is embarrassed about you noticing she doesn’t know what she’s doing. If you’re learning a new move together, than that embarrassment will lift. However, your sex life is not a porn film. Don’t expect to be replicating the crazy moves of your private film collection- it’s not like she’s a professional porn star!
If she’s lazy in bed
She may make a lot of noise, but she’s not pulling her weight and you’re getting sick of having to do all the work. How inconsiderate of her. But there’s an easy fix for this: don’t let her be lazy. This means not taking all the control and letting her make an effort, even if she is not very good at it at first, practise makes perfect. You will have to force yourself to be lazy, so that she has no choice but put in some effort.
Keep in mind that if she is not as strong as you, her muscles are going to tire quicker than yours. Don’t expect her stamina to match yours, especially at first, but she should be doing at least some of the work.
Maybe she thinks you’re bad in bed
Perhaps you two are just sexually incompatible. You like different things or you’re not physically into each other. What you assume is her being a dud in bed could actually be a mutual feeling as her needs aren’t getting met either. There might not be a solution for this, but one strategy you could try is to ask her what she would like you to do. Even if it’s not something which gets you off, hopefully she will be so into it that she will make more of an effort to please you.
It’s rare that you’ll find someone so bad in bed that they cannot be improved. Everyone has sexual urges and wants to get off, it’s just a matter of finding something that you’re both into and you’ll find your ‘dud root’ transforms into a sex goddess.
