If you are frustrated with your online dating results, you may be making one of several classic mistakes, so revising your profile could be the solution. When clients come to me as a dating coach asking for help with their profiles, these are the mistakes I tell them to watch out for:
1. Skimping on photos. What’s the first thing a man sees about your profile? Your photo! That’s why you want pictures that do you justice and show off your best look. I often recommend professional photos, but you can have a friend take them as well. The point is to really think about the photos you post because they are extremely important to your online dating success.
- Wear your favorite date clothes, choose solid colors and include a full body shot.
- Smile pretty, don’t wear sunglasses, and stand in the foreground — no long-distance shots.
- Avoid posting pictures with multiple people so you keep the focus on you.
- Forget vacation and landscape photos. They are distracting and not about you.
- Make sure the background looks good too.
2. Writing too much. A long profile that crams in every scrap about who you are does not work to your advantage. The main purpose of your write-up is to simply get someone to email you. You’ll have plenty of time to share the nitty-gritty details when you talk on the phone and meet, so save something for later. Keep your profile simple and memorable. After all, people tend to skim. Most of all, I tell my clients to keep the tone positive and upbeat to maximize your appeal.
3. Explaining the obvious. Almost everyone likes to dine out, go to the movies, snuggle in front of a fire and take walks. Don’t say those things even if they’re true! You want to stand apart from the crowd, and saying the same boring thing every other woman says won’t attract the quality man you hope to meet.
Instead, dig deeper about who you are or share something less obvious. How would you spend a rainy Sunday afternoon? What’s your favorite movie and how did it move you? Do you have a passion (like a hobby or charity), and how did you get started?
Write about it like you are talking to the reader so it is engaging and he can almost hear your voice. It’s so much better to pique a man’s interest with a few nuggets than brush the surface, bore him or sound run-of-the-mill.
4. Stating what you don’t want. Singles online are apt to spell out exactly what they don’t want in a partner rather than explain what they do want. Are you guilty of this? Don’t write about the types of men who need not apply by saying things like “no couch potatoes,” “no liars” or “no unemployed.” The best way to attract what you don’t want is to focus on it! (That’s from the law of attraction.)
5. Using demanding language. When you use the word “must,” you send up a red flag making men think, “This woman is going to be tough to please and demanding.” A lot of women demand that a man must be honest, must like children, must love dogs. This acts as a repellent for the quality man you hope to attract. In addition, you are actually tipping men off about past relationship problems when you included these phrases. For instance, insisting that a man must be honest lets everyone know you’ve been taken in by liars in the past.
Of course you can certainly explain what you do want, but do this softly to be more inviting. Use language like, “I admire men who are honest,” “who live an active lifestyle” or “who enjoy fatherhood.”