At least once a week, I get a letter from a woman claiming that “…she doesn’t need a man in her life…” only then to complain that she can’t “…find any men around”. Do you think there’s a correlation here? Would you want to be with someone that didn’t care if you were in their lives or that didn’t need you?
Recently, I’ve been hearing a lot of complaints by women about men about marriage. Many men simply don’t want to be married today. I even hear threats and insults coming from media, entertainment, organizations, churches and other “interested” parties saying “you’d better put a ring on it” and “when are you going to man-up and ask her to marry you?”
It’s unfortunate to say that many women simply aren’t “marriage material”. There’s no “manning-up” about it.
At least once a week, I get a letter from a woman claiming that “…she doesn’t need a man in her life…” only then to complain that she can’t “…find any men around”. Do you think there’s a correlation here? Would you want to be with someone that didn’t care if you were in their lives or that didn’t need you?
They usually include some issue about how they can do anything men can do. “How great for you” I tell them. “I don’t really think it’s that hard however. As soon as you can compete to be a better woman, THEN we have something to talk about!”
I’m not sure where or when some women got the message that men want to compete with them to be men, but it sure seems clear. That’s tragic.
The marriage rate in the US continues to drop and the divorce rate continues to grow. Those facts are not related however other than to describe a condition where there are now more single households than married ones.
So, what do men want then? What would cause a man to decide to marry a particular woman? What makes her “marriage material?”
This is an area where women are not only confused, but are constantly being misled by mainstream media. It’s a great story when you hear than men want something ridiculous, but I’m here to tell you, it just ain’t so!
According to my own work and that of a number of other researchers around the country what men and women want is amazingly similar. We just go about getting it in different ways. In fact, the majority of men want a solid, happy, healthy relationship. The key however is the answer to this question: with whom do they want this?
Here are the top 5 things that men look for in women they settle down with:
The Fun Chick
Seriously girls. Lighten up already!
Guys want to be with a girl that knows how to laugh and to let go. Not everything has to be a catalyst to drama and in fact, few things are. Laugh, smile and have fun. Be the girl we can take with us to meet the guys and that “gets the joke”. Almost nothing we say has some deep, hidden agenda. Cut up. Be fun and silly sometimes. Stop taking yourself – and everyone around you – so seriously.
No Challenges, NO GAMES
I don’t know whether women are comfortable lying about this or if they just don’t know what the above statement means but every woman I talk to says the same thing, “I don’t play games.”
Yes, you do. Constantly.
Maybe it’s not your fault. You are continually told that “men love a challenge.” No, we don’t. At least not in the women we spend time with, and not in the way you think we do. If you’re all about throwing challenges at us, you can’t possibly be “fun.” Instead, being around you becomes a chore and yet another test we have to pass.
No thanks.
Sexually Experienced And Comfortable
Too few women actually work on their own sexualities. Most just assume some guy will come along and tell them everything they need to know. No, it doesn’t work that way. Women are far more complicated sexually than men are. If you don’t know how things work, you’re never going to be able to show us.
And yes. We want to know.
Likewise, if you’re not comfortable with your own sexuality, it becomes far too difficult to drag it out of you. That’s when most men just give up – and begin wondering if there’s someone else out there that is comfortable and has real skills. We don’t want to have to show you. We want you to bring skill with you because you know we deserve it from you.
Intelligence
How many times a week do I hear from women that “men are intimidated by intelligent women?” I’m sorry you feel that way, but I’m far sorrier that this is the type of man you attract. In fact, the vast majority of men I talk to really enjoy intelligent women!
If you have an opinion based on well-considered thought (not just a knee-jerk reaction to something) we’d like to talk to you about it. Seriously! We can appreciate your perspective and are happy to bring our own.
The trick, however, is to actually have some foundation for what you think, feel or believe. If you have something to say and can’t back it up we instantly see the “posturing argument” coming on. We may sometimes fake listening to you talk about the latest celebrity scandal, but we long for something far more interesting.
Dependability And Support
Yes, we want your support too. We want to know you’re our cheerleader and that you believe in us and what we do. In order to do that however, you have to get back in touch with your own feminine side. Don’t try to compete with us to be men – you can’t. If you let us do our job, we’ll give you back the man you long to have as well.
We can be your cheerleader too.
We also want to know you’re there when we need you. Most men don’t ask a lot in this way, but when we ask; if the response is the sound of crickets we go back on the hunt again – almost instantly.
Best regards...
